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My return to work is brutal !


16 years ago 0 183 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Hazel I'm a single parent as well, and know that it's a very lonely place. The love between myself and my daughters is strong and wonderful, but it's not the same as having another adult care about me... I do the same as you: count my blessings. I like your balloon analogy -- my girls are what keep me anchored to the earth, and without them I'm sure that I'd be quite happy to float off into oblivion. Will it ever stop? Perhaps not, but it will change. The people at your work will get used to you being back and will forget that you were ever gone. It's like a bereavement -- people are often uncomfortable and awkward at first, until they understand that you aren't going to break down into tears in front of them. Heaven forbid we demonstrate emotion in the workplace! So pull out whatever patience you have, and give them what they need so that they can get over their awkwardness and you can have some normal back. Cherished -- that's my word too. I want to be cherished by someone. As single parents, we have to give out so much and always be so strong... It's not selfish at all to wish to be cherished, and maybe someday we will be. In the meantime, we count our blessings. Not much wisdom, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
16 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
hi hazel. maybe i can help with the positive note??? maybe it is about you? Maybe others are taking their cues from you? I mean that others are uncomfortable because you are still adapting to your circumstances. When you are truely comfortable with your situation you will give clues to others as to how to approach you... It is very much like that with me. I spoke to my boseses about needing to spend time on this and other forums to release the pressures that build during the day. So the others know that I am not goofing off ... they know I need 10,15,25 minutes to decompress and find perspective. Others were not sure what to do with my tears, I just brushed them off and blamed them on pretty sob! stories - angles multipling money and guardians that all okay for others-. If I did not take a cry too seriously; they all learned to let me release and not worry too much. I get chatty and energetic when a high comes so someone offers to take a walk with me at lunch... or suggests a 5 minute breather since it is so.... :p... nice outside. slowly we are all relearning our roles. I have to be the leader here. so maybe this can give you a few ideas...
16 years ago 0 13 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
well the weekend finally got here and I am so glad to be off for an extra day on Monday (our new "family day" -- this is the first year) ... I have to admit that the timing is fortuitous... lol I decided on Friday that I couldn't keep my feelings to myself so I sent my boss an email and expressed my feelings of not being part of the team, paranoid etc... My boss was great actually .. he told me that he is easing me into the workload and that I am imagining these things.... he said I have to remember that everyone is feeling uncomfortable because they don't know how to talk to me yet... give it time.... thats what he keeps on telling me ... my only feeling when told this is "AHHHHHHHHH"... I am not a patient person so this is hard for me but I have to keep breathing, go in and smile and do my best and eventually I won't have to remember to smile or breathe .... RIGHT? I wonder if anybody realizes how brave we have to be to go back into our lives and adapt to the changes? .... it feels like my focus is on making sure that everyone else is comfortable with me .. WHAT ABOUT ME?? ... when will my life ever be about ME? ... sounds childish and petulant and makes me feel like a bad mom for wanting my life to be about me and not about everyone else..... Is it selfish to wish that some people in my life would actually give a **** about me and put me at the top of the list? ... When is it my turn?? Oh well.... at least I am back to work, relatively healthy and my son is doing great... I keep reminding myself of my blessings ... am I anyone's blessing? I don't feel valued or cherished by anyone (except for my baby boy .. ) ... if it wasn't for my son I would fade away... I feel like a balloon that is floating in the air and if I am not careful the string will be too far out of anyone's reach ... will this ever stop?
16 years ago 0 1288 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hazel, All you can do is try your best. Don't let your thoughts tell you that others are judging you, just because they are not talking about it dosen't mean that they don't understand. Challenge your negative thoughts and remind yourself that you are who you are, and keep persevering! Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator
16 years ago 0 13 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Hazel, I am at an earlier stage to you in that I haven't returned to work yet. I have been worried about what people will think too. However, I've called a couple of my friends there who know why I've been off and brought up the fact that I've been anxious about what people are saying and thinking. They have reassured me that (in addition to people being busy and having other things on their mind) people are generally understanding and concerned and in fact some people have discussed how they have had periods of depression themselves. Maybe it is worth speaking to those you are closer to, if you feel up to it? I totally understand where you're coming from but I'm sure people will be more understanding and less judgmental than you may think. I hope this helps...
16 years ago 0 13 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
HI I have been focusing on getting things together and haven't posted in a while.... I have now returned to work this week (1/2 day gradual return after 4.5 months off on sick leave)..... I feel so detached from everything and everyone... like I am not part of the team anymore...I sense that everyone knows why / or suspects why I was off and is judging me for it... now every glance, word and action from others (especially my boss) takes on a whole new level of meaning... I don't know if I am imagining this or it is happening.... How do I ever get back to that time when people respected, relied and genuinely liked me ? ... I feel lost here.. like I have no clue how to get back to where I was .... but then the overwork and stress was what pushed me over the edge.... will I ever get back my comfort here? I have been here 13 yrs and I feel like a newbie.... HELP ... My imagination is getting away with me and I am so sensitive and paranoid I don't know how to get through the days... I go to the bathroom and deep breathe but it doesn't help for long...

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