I have a big punching bag hanging in the basement, which saves on dishes and clean up :) I also have a big pillow to scream into or just pummel.

I know what you mean, I used to bottle up huge amounts of anger, anxiety and suicidal impulses at work. And then it would hit me at the end of the day in a horrendous wave. Maybe it is good I'm off work - I think I'll try to vent it whenever it arises, if possible while I have the chance..and ignore my mind that doesn't want me to.....part of it is almost like huge rage at being angry and depressed and confused so this could go on and on... Off to go and get lots of crockery....maybe a sledgehammer? :eg:

Hi reggiecat, Anger is one of the major reasons for my depression. Apparently I never learned to express it (grew up in a family that didn't express much of anything). My counsellor suggested keeping something handy for when you feel the need to break something. Like some cheap dishes, pumpkins, watermelons, boxes and a golf club, or whatever you find satisfying. My daughter went through a depression fueled by anger and we went through a lot of dishes and pumpkins but after she vented all that rage she began to feel better. Problem for me is, my anger creeps up at times when breaking things isn't a option (like at work, or in court with my ex) and I can't just decide randomly "I'm going to feel some rage now and go break something". So what do I do with that crippling rage in those situations? I have to suppress it, and then I can't get it back after the fact, and it simmers. I'm worried that one day I won't be able to control it at the worst possible time...

This is good timing - I lost it in a major way two days ago and smashed up a lot of stuff in my room. I was out of control. It was really scary... :gasp: The thing I struggle with with anger is while there may be a trigger - I was feeling really low again I think due to stress about moving out of my houseshare and worrying about being told to stop a medication - I'm not sure where the stuff underneath comes from. I have learnt to try to rationalise emotions such as anger. This leads to me, like others say, to turn them inwards rather than express them. Occaisonally it leaks out big style. I learnt from a father who would never express anger and a mother who was explosive.. I definitely agree that expressing yourself assertively to get your needs met rather than supressing is the way forward and I'm trying to learn how to do that but what if you don't know what you're angry about?

My anger usually comes out in uncontrollable tears also -- I hate it, especially when I'm then accused of being a stereotypical female! Neither was I allowed to express "negative" emotions, when I was growing up. It showed a lack of emotional control. This was the way my father was brought up, and if it was good enough for him... I don't know what kind of world he thought he was preparing us for, though -- in the real world, not knowing how to deal with strong emotions except by denying their existence is quite a handicap! As he found out for himself later in life, actually, when he and my aunt found themselves on opposite ends of something they both felt very strongly about. He would swear at her (I'd never heard him swear before this) and she would kick him in the shins. Eventually, when they found that this wasn't getting them anywhere, they took it to court. Bizarre, hilarious, and very sad. I really do think that this was all because they didn't know how to have a healthy argument. Or to feel anger and come back from it.

hi Josie, my usual response to the tiniest emotion is to supress it or turn it inward. The only expression I have ever premitted myself are a few tears that are usually uncontroled. as a teen i remember not being premitted any anger in my father's presence... so I took to learning to swallow it (usually with a source of pain). I was not allowed to mope, brood nor express any desaccord. With the low self-esteem I had as a young adult, I did not deserve to be an equal to other humans so there was not longer a point to me anger. I denied it, I imploded. so now I am learning what anger is.

Hi Josie Thanks for bringing this up, as anger is an emotion that I have particular difficulty with. I suppress, through, rather than act out aggressively and uncontrollably. Or, in my marriage, I became passive aggressive because, I think, there was simply too much anger to suppress but I also felt powerless. I've read that suppressed anger can be a cause of depression, and it's easy for me to see why, because it's basically silencing your self. It's when you disagree or need to defend yourself or the people/things you care about that it's so important to have a voice. Continually silencing your self because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or upset anyone, or for whatever reason... well, it makes me feel like a useless piece of jelly. I'm working on two elements: learning to be express myself assertively, and learning to calm, in the moment, the anxiety that sky-rockets at even the thought of expressing myself assertively :)

Members: Welcome to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Day (CBT) on the forums! Every Sunday and Thursday will now be known as CBT day. Every Sunday a DC health educator will launch a challenge. Members are encouraged to take on the challenge and post their results. On the following Thursday, a DC educator will post specific tips and strategies to aid you in the way you look/interpret yourself and the way you view the world. This week’ challenge will pertain to anger… Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenalin. Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings. Expressing Anger The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others. How often do you feel angry? Today we challenge you to keep count with a pen and paper. As you track, don’t forget to note the 5 W’s of your anger: Who was there? What happened? Where did it happen? And why did it happen? Don’t forget to share your results and to pop in on Thursday for part II! Josie