Gabs I too am surrounded by people who think that if it aint physical and can be seen then it aint there. I am open to family and cloase friends about my depression and anxiety - but one of the biggest problems is my partner who is very supportive except in the area of meds. thinks I can cope without them and I just have to keep telling myself I'm ok and I will be. She understands about my emotionally abusive childhood and all the **** since but is a pragmatist and believes that we can completely control our feelings, behaviour etc. So I take my meds secretly and hate doing it but my GP, therapist and consultant psychiatrist have all agreed that in the interests of my well being it is the best policy. But the level of ignorance and continued social stigma to mental health issues is appalling - and hiding meds and taking them in secret adds extra pressure Z x

hi gabs, Good for you... the education continues! I do not think people are really mean and want us to hide the illnesses. I think that most are afraid of illness. Unless you live with it and have learned to cope you have no idea what it means to be sick in this way. I do not have schicophrenia?? and do do not know what it is to be psychotic. i do not have a problem with diabetes, so I have no idea what it is like to have food as an enemy to my body. Yes, it is easier for the family to accept the smile and "I'm fine" because normal is the easiest to work with. I am miserable is huge! But you did an excellent thing... you gave concrete actions for others to do to make this time better for you. You leached the big black dog and took it for a walk for others to experience. This is a big chunk of teaching you did. you were very courageous and strong! BRAVO!

Hi Gabs, congrats on your success! Your post is an inspiration to people like me who would rather stick a fork in my eye than actually speak the truth about myself. I would have loved to have seen the look on your SIL's face when you told her what she could do for you! That would have been a Kodak moment to cherish! Hee hee.. :8o:

Gabs, Good for you for being honest! You are actively working on your progress and this is commendable. You have made some realizations and are moving forward and challenging yourself. Step by step :) Josie, Support Specialist

Gabs, good for you!! [img]http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a4/JR_Sandy/forum%20stuff/highfive.gif[/img] So often we take the "easy way out" and just say we are fine when we are a world away from being fine. LOL ... I love your answer about what your SIL can do to help. People should not offer if they are not prepared to actually DO something. It's not your job to absorb their guilt. I love your post. Made my day, actually. Way too often we just duck and cover instead of offering honesty. If people don't like it, Gabs, they'll stop asking. At least that will be honest on their part, instead of trying to make themselves feel like the "good guy" at your expense. You have nothing to feel guilty for! Yah yah ... easier said than done, I know, but not taking on your SIL's half arsed attempt to look like she actually is caring, well that's empowering for you. Sounds to me like you're figuring out your place in this world just fine. :) And if folks don't like it, be assured that there are a whole lot of other folks to take their place. Not everyone is going to like me, but there are always people who do like who I really am. At least that's been my experience. I had to change friends when I changed, but with 6 billion people on the planet there's gotta be a set to fit each of us. Good luck with your back operation. Yi. Rotten time of year for it, eh? Again, thanks for sharing your experience. It brightened my morning to hear about your success in being you.

Whew, What an evening. Am I being strong and asserting myself or am I being just plain stupid? I have mentioned on previous posts that I have now told my children the extent of my depression. Well, tonight, my father took myself and my husband and my brother and his wife out to supper. Its the 1st time we have all been out for 6 months due to my being 'ill' apart from Dads birthday where we were all on best behaviour. Well apart from the depression, I have been in hospital twice for back operations. My sister in law tonight asked if I was now o.k and seemed to be back to my old self, as she put it. Well, the easy answer was, yes, i'm ok and leave it at that as i have done many many times in the past. However, the 'new' me, decided that, if you ask a question, then you should be prepared for the answer so, in my new found wisdom, i replied that, no, I was far from well, it had taken a lot of preperation on my part to come out this evening, and i still have another back op to face on 20th december. Oh dear, she sounded surprised. Oh well, I'm sure you will cope, was the answer. I am sure I will, I replied. She also said, well you do know that if there is anything we can do you only have to ask. Great! i said, yes, you can look after dad, and if you are passing my house on the way to the supermarket, which they have to, maybe you can call me to see if you can pick something up for me and then, if you are not too busy, maybe you may just want to pop in and see if i am alive and ok and have a cup of tea! Lead balloon! Too Honest? Too blunt? I also said that i find it quite disgusting that i have a brother who i have always been there for, a husband, and yet, these past 6 months when i have been truly ill, i have only had an 86 year old disabled father who truly wanted to help me but couldnt. So the big question, do we admit our illness and get the cold shoulder like i did tonight, or do we carry on dealing with it on our own, as most of us on this site do, but maintain some dignity. I am trying so hard to be strong and not to appologise for being depressed but seem to come up against a brick wall each time i try to bring the problem up. It seems, everyone is much happier if we pretend that all is well and we put on the fake smiley face. Even my husband thinks i am cured, or better because i havent told him how I am feeling. You Guessed right, he hasnt asked. Well, the meak and mild little thing that hides away in the corner has gone. I now know better. I have a place in this world. I just need to figure out what it is. I need to learn to be not guilty! x