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characteristics of depressives


16 years ago 0 43 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Dumpling, I have these characteristics: - sensitive to others' moods and feelings - very demanding of themselves (high, perhaps too high?, standards of behaviour and achievements) - easily manipulated - low self esteem/self worth - inability to express their needs without "exploding" I think I get I don't come out and say what I want so I do "explode" but I don't think I have the "above intelligence" and I also worry way too much and I am very demanding and have high expections of others and of myself.
16 years ago 0 101 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Yes. I think that being too selfless can be a bad thing. Unless you are Mother Theresa and get pure joy out of what appears to be total altruism. Sometimes doing good things pays you back by making you feel good. It is the selflessness of being a martyr, rather than the joy of doing good that is bad. There is no such thing as a truly altruistic act. You are either being "altruistic" because it brings you joy or because you can think you are better than someone or because you feel you have to or because you like to be a martyr. The only reason for selflessness that is not "bad" is the joy reason. If you are doing it for any other reason, it is bad for you and bad for the receiver. Lloyd C Douglas, who wrote The Robe believed that only acts of kindness done in secret gave back to you spiritually. If found out, they lost their power.
16 years ago 0 5 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I wonder if being too selfless can be a bad thing. Dumpling, yeah...reading that list made me think. To some degree or another, they all apply. I'm too smart for my own good. I understand things very well and tend to grasp complexities like politics and electronics extremely well. (IT Professional for the win!) I take on everyone else's problems believing that if I resolve theirs then maybe, just maybe, I'll find an answer to mine. At work, everyone is a know it all so no matter what I say, it's wrong...horribly so. I'm expected to fail or be just under par all the time because that's what everyone expects of me. Adding that to low self esteem and just not being able to tell myself that they're wrong because I always have a seed of doubt in my mind that makes me think they know something I don't...it doesn't go pretty. I get pretty ahamed when anything comes up about me too. I have a hard time accepting gifts or offerings. Last Christmas, I went so far as to refuse to open my gifts because I had told everyone to not buy me anything. yeah...I hope CBT works. Skeptisism as a way of life sucks.
16 years ago 0 1890 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Twister, Up to about 45 yrs of age I was still scrambling to win the Rat Race with more and more toys. Then the physical pain (chronic) and the booze and drugs told me that I was getting nowhere chasing the dollar. I hated being overseas and drowning myself in booze while I was in and out of conferences all day and getting smashed at night so my ankle and back would NOT shut the hell up but I was so much less a professional the next day - not that anybody noticed since my colleagues were big boozey jerks also. Having left that life behind and having taken a mickey mouse pension I had to radically alter my goals and priorities. Now all I want is a quiet life with the woman I love, my wife, in a small house in a quiet village and read my books and not worry about anything. That's what she wants too so we're in tune. Happy with less money and less 'stuff' and a good library 15 minutes drive away and a good supermarket nearby where I can buy shrimp and baguettes once in a while - My biggest goal is to stop smoking - it has defeated me for decades - much worse than opiate addiction or alcohol... Trying to live in the 'now' and dining with close friends and family with a $10 bottle of plonk and good conversation. No more *****ing about politics, no more getting into rages about God, Love and War. No more "expecting" ridiculous standards from my kids. Loving who I'm with, and spending my time with, or just leaving if it's turning out to be a bummer... be assertive and not let a-holes burn up my time; assertive but not aggressive. One's time is precious. Big thing is to really think around and about what a decision will imply for the quality of your life and then make it and stick to it - you understand what you want and you make it real. Apollo said "Man, know thyself..." first and foremost. Get "selfish" and see what you want then be reasonable and take the little steps toward that goal. Simple, simple, simple.
16 years ago 0 46 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi all! the million dollar question! what do you/I want? my therapist just asked me that last week. I became a mother at age 18, later married , had another child, divorced, did the single mom thing, left the desert for the Midwest,remarried, new jobs, new responsibilities, caring for ailing parents and now helping raise my grandchildren. My husband and i had an empty nest for about one and a half years but during that time we both were focused on new jobs... What was it that i wanted for myself in life? hmmm... why is the answer to this question so elusive for so many of us? I think feelings of guilt and selfishness play a huge role in my inability to answer that question. that paired with the notion that my dreams are just some pie-in-the-sky, unattainable goals. (light bulb moment- no wonder i'm having trouble with lesson 2 goal setting!!!) i do know one thing that i want for myself and that is the assertiveness Daily Llama writes about- i long to be a confident, assertive woman who doesn't second guess her every decision, thought and action. Kurt Cobain is quoted as saying, "i would rather be hated for who i am than loved for who i am not". guess i better get working on those goals! "shoot for the moon- even if you miss you'll land among the stars"
16 years ago 0 1890 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Dumpling, Yes! most of these characteristics I see in various proportions in myself and I instantly think (when I read your list) that I'm altering that by being assertive rather than aggressive. Too often as a younger man I'd let my opinions be stomped on and then I'd agree that I was probably wrong when I just didn't have the gumption to say "That's you opinion, and good for you. I think I explained what I was saying with clarity enough that I can't buy your dismissal of what I was saying". Took me a while to get that assertiveness into place in my head and not be a chump to everyone who wanted to play "Who's Dominant Now?" It took years to recognise those people who just have to be 'right' all the time; most of that comes from an inverted insecurity. Hard to see if you're always ready to be agreeable and compliant. Thanks for the wake-up call! Sometimes I slip back into passivity when I get tired or depressed. It's good to have reminders about this stuff.
16 years ago 0 172 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
dumpling, You've hit the nail on the head. I am all of your list, except maybe above normal intelligence. My big question these days is what is normal? When I was at school i was always at the top end of the top stream, however when at university I seemed to be on a level with others in my group. When I started work I did seem to climb the professional ladder quite quickly but then I became a full time Mum and Lost myself. For only 6 years I was me. For the rest of my life I have been defined as a daughter, wife, Mother etc whose needs come after everyone else. Who am I? I dont even know what I want. All I do know is that I want to be in control of this depression and it is one hell of a battle. Just when you think you doing o.k. something small sends you back in the black hole. Although when I look at the mood sheets I see that the tears are not coming as often. I want to feel happy, or feel anything apart from the numbness.
16 years ago 0 86 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I've been asked that too. I think that if I actually wanted to do something or be something that would really be nice... I'd have something to live / work for. I think about this a lot, but everything seems to take time and/or money, either of which I don't have enough.
16 years ago 0 131 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You know, it's hard to trust what exactly you want to do and be like, basically you have to find out who you are and what's important to you. I was asked by my therapist what exactly does Maggie want to do, what is your passion? I couldn't come up with anything. I've done for my husband, my kids, my side of my family and even my husband's side (I'm not a saint by far), but I feel it's my turn...I need to learn to be selfish a bit more...it's hard because when you do this, you feel guilty. But I'm trying and they say it becomes easier as time goes on...here's hoping!!!
16 years ago 0 35 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
OMG! That's me to a T! Anyway, I'm learning through desparation and more therapists then you can shake a stick at; it's true that my relationships seem to go down the same path. Lately, I feel like the runaway bride. I'm learning my role in allowing or facilitating that to happen - so I can become the real person that I am supposed to and dying to be, not just twisting myself trying to be my own version of the perfect mother, daughter, girlfriend, etc.... Now, I am learning to find who I really am, and going forward to better myself. Sometimes, it's like my brain has a little tourettes or something, because I'll have some unreasonable bad thought, blurt it out before it really sinks into the brain first, then an arguement generally ensues. I'm hoping that the faster I get at recognizing that, the sooner I can eliminate them.

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