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Thanks everyone for your replys and although it is sad that we all have to go through this it makes me feel better to know that I am not alone- or crazy for feeling/thinking this way. I will add us all to my prayers and hope that some day very soon we can all see out of the fog to a better day.Again, thanks so much for responding.Hugs, cj
I do this everyday. I don't want to tell my husband or other family. I think it's because I want to be better, and, well, I don't want to go back to the hospital. I guess if it was more convenient (kids, husband's work) I would happily readmit myself.
I agree with Rayne wholeheartedly. I am VERY good at hiding my true feelings, especially around people I work with and socialize with. I guess I do it because a) I don't think most people would care about my issues even if they knew b)I like appearing stronger than I really am c) because I've always believed in the "fake it till you make it" philosophy - hoping if I ACT happy then eventually I will BE happy. Unfortunately, like Rayne said, hiding those feelings from everyone and myself ends up making the situation worse. When we camoflage our emotions, our sadness often comes across as something else- we get meaner, colder, irritable, indifferent..and treat people accordingly. How are others supposed to know how to respond to us if what we are showing them isn't what we are really feeling? I have only just begun to understand that alot of the reason people don't respond to me the way I need them to is largely my own fault - I can't expect people to read my mind. Maybe if we were more open about our fears instead of worrying about appearing weak, we'd find that others are going throught the same thing and would be more than happy to help.
For those that do not have depression it is very hard to understand. I know that when I announced that I was going off work for depression/stress leave, people were looking at me like I had three heads. Nobody believed me. I am sure that work thought it was a scam just to get some time off (much deserved though it may be). I think alot of people with depression would have a very lucrative acting career if we could only channel it the right way. Part of the problem is that we are so good at hiding it we also hide it from ourselves until it's too late and we're really in the thick of it.(at least I know that's what I did to myself, everyone though is different). I wish I could give you an answer to how to fix this problem. Has your mother gone with you to the Dr? Maybe if you brought her with you he could explain it to her in a different way so that she could understand it. You need support. She needs to see that you are not an extension of her but your own person. Maybe the Dr. can help. Take care.
I think my family and some of my friends think that I am all better because I try to not show how I am feeling in front of them. My family is hard to talk to and they seem to think all I need to do is just forget about things and everything will be better. I am going to counseling and taking meds but here lately it all seems like it is caving back in on me again. I am scared to get back to that really dark place but feel like I have no where to turn and no way for my family to understand. I am frustrated because when I do try to tell them why I feel or seem the way I am they - mostly my mom - takes it as a personal affont to her and the way she raised me. I try to tell her I am not trying to blame her but trying to explain why I feel or think the way I do. I feel so lost and alone in the middle of it all.
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