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Hello DSS, I don't know if I can shed and light on it but my Dr. told me something that I always try to remember when I am confronted with something like this...Like you said you don't know what's in his head and you don't know if maybe he was having a bad day, or week, or maybe something else was bothering him and it came out on you. Not that it is an excuse for his behaviour but you should try to not let their feelings be projected onto yourself. (Easier said than done though)...Does any of this make sense? Not sure if I explained it well. I guess another way to say it is be responsible for your own feelings and not theirs. Sounds like a pretty good guilt trip to me.
Dear desperately seeking solace,
Fellow members will be responding soon, but I just wanted to add that it is great that you are able to assess and provide so much insight into a situation like this. As you mentioned in your post, it may have been the effect of alcohol that caused things to turn out this way. It seems like he was initially attempting to be supportive but it didn't work out that way.
Relationships with family members can be difficult at times. You may want to consider discussing this situation and the way that his behaviour is affecting you with your therapist/doctor.
Casey
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The Depression Center Support Team
I was wondering if anyone could shed some insight on this....A few weeks ago, my parents were at my house for my partner's birthday (among others) and while I was cleaning up...my father (aho hasn't made any attempt to contact me since before I had the stroke in November) walked up and asked me how I was doing. I told him I was ok (which I really was) and he paused...then said, " you know...if you need to talk you can call." I told him that I knew that, but there really wasn't anything to talk about...There really wasn't, as stated earlier...I was fine...He paused again and in a stern almost hurt/agitated tone he mumbled, "you just don't ever want to talk to us." then walked out of the room and pretty much ignored me the rest of the evening (until we said goodbye for the night).
I was floored. Not speaking to him in over a month and a half and this is the conversation initiated. I just don't get how someone could be so cruel...especially saying this to someone with clinical depression. This was supposed to be helpful conversation???
I know alcohol had a lot to do with this interaction...he had been drinking...but to go and tell my partner that he doesn't know how to talk to me later in the evening...and not tell ME this? How can I speak to him when I don't know what is going on in his head? I know...I should be happy that he showed some kind of concern, but this was an alcohol induced concern...Why couldn't he ask me when sober? I just don't understand.
I saw him on Jan 1st. We went over for a visit and after the initial hello...there wasn't much else said. He pretty much kept his back to me during the visit and only looked at me when I said something directly to him.
The sad thing is that I thought he and I were closer than this. It is amazing how you find out the opposite to be true...How can I get past this???
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