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10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Davit,

I am so sorry you are having to do this alone My thoughts and spirit will be with you on your trip to the doctor today.

My prayers will be with you too for a safe trip..

Red..

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Good morning Davit..

Thanks for showing your support last night. I am feeling a little better this morning after a good nights sleep with a little help from one of my Benzos. Life is getting to be a lot more challenging as we grow older and the choices are a little tougher to make I find..Like your cataract appointment and surgery these two things are perfect examples of choices that greatly improve a persons quality of life. Now getting their and back is going to be a challenge for sure and I am hoping that you can find a neighbor or friend to drive you..

I guess we all have challenges of some kind in life and sometimes many tough decisions to make..These medications that I am being asked to take are very dangerous and the FDA has put out warning on them. Crestor is one and Welchol is another. I did look them up on line and the benefits do not seem to out way the risks and of course I can not just Blindly going take these meds without talking to a doctor first about them. This push to make me take drugs without consulting me is the thing that is causing me great anxiety. I think this a normal way to feel when you are being pushed into a corner with out knowing why..

Sometimes I really think it is really better to do nothing and enjoy the life you have than to try to extend your life with meds that have no guarantees at all that they will help you and actually have a big change of hurting you in the end. These choices are not easy to make and for me it comes down to enjoying the life I have now and approaching my health care in a Palliative way..It is all about choice and I just want to have that choice and some control over the choices I make..

Take my friend. I will put in a little prayer for the both of us that all goes well.

Red..

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Good morning everyone.

I'm having my second coffee with a heaping helping of negative thoughts this morning. It isn't the weather although it is trying to rain in the valley and I can see it snowing in the mountains. That isn't bothering me. I love this time of year if I don't have to go anywhere. But I do. I have to drive to PG for an appointment for my eyes. It is three hours one way, and I did it three times last year in snow storms. So I know I can do it again. That does't stop the negative thoughts. But they don't matter any more, they just are. I'll manage , I always do. I'm considered too independent, too anti social, too stubborn, but the fact is I'm just used to having to do everything by myself. It is my lifestyle. This is where I fit and sometimes it is not a good fit. It passes. This will pass too. Just another life experience. It is certainly better than some of the things I have been through. It just pisses me off that there will be more of them. Getting old is not for sissies.

Davit

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Hello Naa,

Your compassion and words of support have touched me this morning. You put a sparkle in my day..

I did get a good nights sleep last night and am feeling better this morning and more confident in the decisions that I am making.

Thank You Naa.. It really helps knowing that others care and that we are not alone out here..

Red

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 85

Hi Red

I am sorry you are feeling down. I can't imagine what it must feel like. You encouraged me to open up and write here and it had been very useful. Everyone has been so supportive. I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts. Take good care and we will be here for you when you are ready. God bless. Naa

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Red

I knew that meds in the states were high but that is outrageous.

I understand what you are saying. My answering machine has a message about my cataract appointment. It is not a day when the medi bus goes there so I'll have to drive myself. Medi bus is 20.00 Gas for my car will be 60 or more dollars and it is a three hour drive one way. Not to mention I will be coming home in the dark.

But I will do it because I do not want to spend the rest of my life like this. Some things you just have to do. And I very much want to spend the rest of my days here, not some home for the aged.

Glad I'm not trying to do this at the height of my anxiety.

Davit

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Sorry about the long post earlier..As you can see things are already getting to me again and I am at my wits end..

I do feel like I am about to crash and burn again. I just thought I would let you know that I may not be posting for while until I figure out what to do about this situation that I find myself in again and figure out some way to deal with my increasing anxiety. I really thought things we going to be great and that they would be better than they are right now with this healthcare system I find myself in but no matter where I go for care it is never what I hoped for and I never feel safe. Anyway I am starting to feel overwhelmed and very down again actually downright depressed this time and like such a fool again for letting my guard down and trusting the system and people working in it again..It is scary.

I will try to post when I have had some time to rest and think and hopefully I will find a place where I feel safe and also some way to recover again..

Take care everyone. I love you all..

Red..

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2508

Thanks Naa and your welcome..Glad you finally got a good nights sleep.

Davit glad you had a anxiety free day. I am hoping for one soon..

Hugs what is that pic you put up of..It sure is ugly..

It has been a trying day. I started two new medicines that I received yesterday..Which went fine.

As for me it has been a busy busy day on the phone and at the drug store again today and such..I turned down some meds at the drug store today. They cost $967 for a 90 day supply and I don't know a thing about them. So I have had to call and leave a message for the new doctor telling him that I will reconsider them next month after he and I discuss his plan and the pro's and con's of taking them..Having his assistant call me again twice today and tell me he has more meds he want me to try without talking to me himself. Well this just isn't going to work..So I gave them, his office a call twice today plus sent them 2 emails letting them know I will not proceed with more meds until I speak to the him and that he can call me at home or we can talk about it at my next visit. It doesn't matter to me either way it's up to him. I will not be taking anything new, blindly or sight unseen..The end..

I am more determined than ever to not loose control of my health care decisions ever again and to make sure that I am informed of any and all decisions and plans and what benefits I will receive from these plans if any . It has been very stressful these last few years with others forgetting to include me in any and all health care plans. They seem to forget that they need to talk to me and explain their plans for Me to me before their plans can be put into action other wise I would not be making a informed decision so therefore I can not proceed or make any decisions one way other another because I do not know the benefit or plan. As usual I am doing what needs to be done to make sure I am part of the loop this time around being it is my health and my quality of life that matters not theirs and what I want out of my life now and how I want to spend the last years of my life on this Earth. It certainly isn't doesn't involve spend my last few years on meds that make me sick or spending all my day at doctors office or hospitals..

Now the Good New before I was interrupted with all this time consuming stuff this morning and all day..I called and made a camping reservation for this Christmas. I will be camping in the desert for Christmas at my favorite spot #104 in one of my favorite campgrounds, The Desert Hot Springs this year..and I will be watching the Red Desert Flowers bloom this Christmas and if this is my last Christmas I will have spent it happily and have no regrets over wasting my time in some medical clinic..This is what we call Palliative Care in the Health Care Profession..

Tonight or Tomarrow I am going to finish what I started to do this morning and that is make some camping reservations for this month and next month too..

I have a life that I want to and I need to be living..

Red...

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

It never warmed up much today but I finished mowing the lawn and put the mower away after I washed it out. I put the last garden hose in the garage and rolled up the extension cords and put them away. I had a piece of pie while I made the spaghetti sauce so I'm not hungry now. I'll just put it in the fridge for now. I noticed what looks like two 2X6s in the stack of boards in the garage when I put the hose in there. If so it will save me going to town for them. If so then I have added another project onto my list. I have to get my winter tires put on next week too. They are stored there. It takes an hour and they are always on time so I just wait. 80 dollars out of my meagre income. I had a little walk around to see if I'm forgetting to do anything. Nothing that I noticed.

It is overcast and I'm hoping it doesn't rain tonight. Today was ho hum, but any day without anxiety is a good day.

Last night the coyotes were howling. It makes the cats nervous.

Movie time now.

Davit

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 85

RedCongratulations on a great medical appointment.

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