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Posts created by Pete

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Getting to know members - How do you spend your time 2

Thanks, Ashley, for your searching questions, but I'm just making a fool of myself here and monopolising yet another thread. Time for Pete to shut up for a while

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Why is getting help for depression important

Hi Ashley:

I'm not presently partaking of any outside help at all. Why not?

I found that medication didn't help, in fact at times it exacerbated certain urges to the extent that I realised it was dangerous to stay on it.
I have had 2 or 3 years of therapy with a psychotherapist, a clinical psychologist and in a group setting. Whilst the sessions themselves were a useful sounding board, I ended up feeling as if I was going in circles. This, I think, is partly due to the fact that the people I saw were strong CBT proponents. I've already mentioned the difficulties I have with the models and concepts upon which CBT is built, so I won't reiterate here. Also, I found myself fixating on, and rehearsing for, my next therapy session - deciding how I would portray myself this time. I realised this was in some ways dishonest and a bit an ego trip. I was just using the therapist's attention to make myself feel important. Therefore, I've discontinued the therapy.

So I feel as if I've all but exhausted the options available to me, and it's down to me to draw on my own resources to pull myself together and find a way to feel that life is not empty, tedious and futile. I have a supportive family, which helps, though we never talk about my depression. I have no friends, but I don't really want any.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Your Top 3 - Words To Describe Yourself

Shy. Frustrated. Small.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

My own personal therapy

I, too, have found writing really helpful. I tend to sit down whilst still in 'white heat' mode - in the grip of some strong emotion - and pour stuff on to the page. The very act of writing calms me down : my inner writer takes over and I start to edit, rephrase, revise..... I become involved in the process of writing itself. The polishing of the artifact I have created gives me some distance from what is expressed therein, and things can fall back into proportion.

There's a few bits and pieces of my writing on my blog here. I do also write fiction, but that is a completely different process from my personal writing.

all the best

Pete

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

What is fear?

I panic in social situations. That means whenever I have to talk to anybody outside my immediate family or close work colleagues . I am cornered in such situations and feel predisposed to some form of violence. But I am meek and mild in manner (disguising what rages within) so I swallow my anger like a mouthful of bile.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Your Top 3 - Words To Describe Yourself

Hey, Rowsie, I'm glad for you that you see yourself in that way. I wish I could.

I considered describing myself in such a positive manner, but decided to go with what I actually know about myself rather than what I'd like to convince myself to believe.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Your Top 3 - Words To Describe Yourself

Thank you, Rowsie. I find it hard to separate my depression from 'me'. The two have been so intertwined for so long.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Your Top 3- If money were not an issue

I'd go and live alone somewhere remote and....

commission a worldwide search for a certain someone who left my life a year ago and....

invite her to share my ridiculous, lonely luxury.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Did you know?

I think, Samantha, that you are most likely right.

Which is a shame, because I don't love myself and can't imagine ever falling in love with myself. I know too much about myself for that, and I can't love when it's not deserved. After all, why should I love 'Pete' just because that's who I happen to inhabit? If I don't even like 'Pete', can barely stand his company, how can I love him? I wish I'd never met him.

I'm not Jesus, not a saint or a Buddha with love to spare. I'm not naive enough to think that I'm someone special out of the millions of people here on Earth. I'm just an insignificant, nasty little man. Nothing to love here, move along folks.........

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 223

Did you know?

~m :

I haven't slapped anything away as useless or dismissed anything out of hand...but the 'tools' that may work for you don't necessarily help someone else. I've had over two years of cognitive behavioural therapy and it has not helped me. Fact.

Your post was pretty honest and I don't have to read too far between the lines to understand that you're exasperated and bored with the tone and content of what I write, so I'll be honest back. I have no idea what I want, only that I'm so unhappy and getting more miserable with each passing day. I do not like myself very much at all and reading your post has not helped a great deal. Even in this forum, obviously, I'm not welcome because I'm a tedious negative bore, right?

Ah, what's the point? I'm out of here. You are right, I don't belong.

I wish you well in your life, and apologise again for my shortcomings.

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