Positivity
Where CBT sticks in my throat is its model of depression as it has been presented to me by a clinical psychologist and a psychotherapist/counsellor. I may have completely misunderstood, of course. CBT seems to posit that I have a core of 'negative' beliefs, self-images and assumptions about myself, other people and the world. And if I challenge and examine these negative thoughts, they will turn out to be distorted and mistaken and I will gradually be able to abandon them, thus starving my depression to death as its basis is removed. Sorry, but I just do not feel that my mnd and emotions work in this way.
What I choose to name as my depression springs from the real, solid facts of my life. I can look around me, look at my shabby home, my worn features, my bank balance, my successful and socially competent contemporaries.....these things cannot be denied or challenged, they are solid and indisputable. I can look at my past actions, the omissions and mistakes, the laziness and lack of assertion, the episodes of pain. This is all real, what use to look at it closer?
Why, I ask myself, should the 'negative' beliefs turn out to be false, but not the 'positive' ones that I hold? What if I examine my 'negative' beliefs and find them to be well-founded and true (which I am certain is actually the case)? Where does that leave me? More depressed, that's where.
So. In a nutshell, that's why I've gained little of value from CBT. I can't buy into a therapy that has a central tenet I can't apply to my own situation.
