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Posts created by Sarah

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 229

I'm new..depression is so old..

My name is Sarah and I've been in a major depression for over 8 years. It wasn't until very recently

that I have started to come apart at the seams. I'm on an anti depressant, anti anxiety and sleeping

med's.

I have done everything I can to function as I have to because my husband is in a depression plus

he is suffering from every chronic illness associated with diabetes. He's had a leg amputated, toes

on the other leg amputated, suffered from major stroke in Jan. 07, mini strokes, heart attacks, has

been on home dialysis since 2000. He also suffers from extensive cardiovascular disease. Bottom

line he is a ticking time bomb.

My depression is a result of living with all of this for the last several years.. especially the last 8

being the worst.

We are both on disability. Life is just too hard. I am just so damned sad...

I quit smoking in March and am 77 days smoke free. I know smoking won't solve my sadness, but

I'm close to going to buy some.. but I won't.

This site was recommended to me by a member at the SSC.

So here I am.. crying yet again and feeling drained on all levels.

Just so you know I do get help from friends and family.. of course it's sporatic, but I will never look

a gift horse in the mouth.

I'm at the end of my rope right now and even with people around I feel profoundly alone.

Thanks for listening..

Sarah

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 229

I'm new..depression is so old..

Thank you Patrick.. and congratulations to you as well on your excellent success to become

smoke free.

I've been on a constant search for home care and the problem with that is it costs money.. as

does meals on wheels. We are on a very fixed (low) income and nothing here comes without

a cost including house cleaning, shopping assistance etc. I've looked into all of that. But thank

you for the suggestion.

We did receive a gift from an organization - a one time gift - to send my husband to a chronic

care hospital for 2 weeks back in January. It took about 6 days for me to decompress and then

I began to feel better for the next 8 days emotionally, mentally and physically. Whenever b'days

or anniversaries, or holidays roll around I always ask for cash in lieu of gifts so that I can save

up to send him there again. It's not a very nice place as most people there are very very old (hubby

is only 52) and they are dying. Very depressing to say the least.

I have done what you did suggest about asking for more help from family and friends and at the

beginning they were 'there' but they dwindled away.

I so appreciate all of your advice and suggestions.. I guess Patrick that's part of the depression..

and feeling so alone.

I have made a lot of changes while hubby was away .. I learned a lot of lessons ..i.e. to take care

of me, my down time and so on. In theory it works great - in reality not so terrific. I'm just in such

a low period of my life right now that I'm really just wanting to be numb as to not feel at all.

Thanks again Patrick.. you seem like a sweet and caring person.

Sarah

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 229

Been there, done that ...Any other suggestions?

I have been in a depression for 8 yrs plus and I've changed so many things in order to feel better.

I'm now into day 78 smoke free, I eat healthy foods, I get out every single day for a good long walk,

I try very hard to get together to go out with friends and if going out isn't right for me because I just

can't stop crying or I look like a piece of crap then they come to my home to visit. I also practice

meditation and try very hard to get as much 'me' time as possible as I am my husband's primary

caregiver. We're both on disability....

My question is this..

Are there any other things I can be doing in order to stop the constant gerbil inside my head

running on a wheel so fast that I feel I am going to totally lose what's left of my mind?

Any and/or all suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Oh yes I have a number of hobbies like

drawing, writing, painting, crocheting.. although I do admit right now and for the last week and a

half I just cannot get motivated to them nor much of anything else. I'm at a very low period and

I'm running out of kleenex.

Thanks.. Sarah

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 229

Been there, done that ...Any other suggestions?

Hi wildcat.. maybe our gerbils are related? There's just so many of them... uuugghhh!

It's weird you know you ask for help from family and friends and they come and then over the

years they dwindle away - too busy, family, work etc etc.. Who can blame them as this whole

thing with hubby has been going on for 6 yrs straight. I'm just feeling so alone especially

in the last 10 days. I do have a fabulous dr. but hey he can only take me so far because

this is my life everyday 24/7.

I have to admit though that today I FORCED myself to go to the mall. At first I was feeling

really shaky and was sure an anxiety attack was coming but it didn't. It was like I was almost

willing it away .. strange huh? Anyway went to the mall and felt at some point like I was the

only one there. Am I totally losing my mind or is it just a coping mechanism? I don't know.

I went to Sears and picked up a few things we need for our new kitchen and washroom which

will be renovated by the city (we live in housing) in August. There were some good sales

and it really took me away from my problems for a few hours. Now I'm really exhausted

from this outing. *huge sigh*

Overall though I think that getting out was a way of facing the fear that I couldn't handle

going out and I did it.. so that's a good thing. And I didn't think about smoking (in day

79 smoke free) so that was a plus as well.

Thanks for taking the time to respond wildcat.. and I wish some peace and tranquility in your

day and this evening.

Sylvie.. I'm seeing my dr. again on June 4th and I'll be telling him everything. I think there's

a good chance that hubby will be given another monetary gift to get him back into the

chronic care hospital again to give me some respite.

Sarah

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 229

Good afternoon all :)

I stopped smoking on March 5th and I just wanted to have some place to go for additional support. Most of my friends still smoke as well as my close family members so I really need to be around smoke free people :) I smoked for just over 35 yrs and I'm currently using the patch as my method to stop smoking. I have tried at least a 1/2 dozen times (maybe more..lost count .. lol !) Anyway I'm into day 17 smokeless and using books, healthy snacks (including little high cal treats), lots of walking, reading, watching movies, major talks on the phone etc to take my mind away from smoking. Overall I'm feeling pretty good but I'm in no way letting myself get complacent. I know I've got a long road ahead of me, but I'm keeping myself in the here and now and taking it one moment at a time.. one day at a time. ;) Nice to meet you and hope to get to know you real well ! Peace :p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/5/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 17 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 340 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $153.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 23 [B]Mins:[/B] 59 [B]Seconds:[/B] 49

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 229

Good afternoon all :)

Hey Lainey ! Yes, it does appear that we have a few things in common :) I've been reading quite a few posts here and the knowledge and wisdom here is quite overwhelming - all in a good way. I've come to realize that one puff means the absolute end of a quit. One puff and you're back to full blown smoking all over again. Over the course of the last couple of years I was so concerned about weight gain and putting a lot of undue pressure and stress on myself. To stop smoking is one huge commitment on its own so this time I'm leaving all that off stuff at the curb and just NOT smoke ! I've also picked up a phrase from a book and the dvd which I recently read and viewed some time ago .... "Stop telling yourself what you DON'T want... Tell yourself what you DO want !" It's been a very helpful phrase.. I DO WANT TO STOP SMOKING is a very powerful statement instead of I don't want to smoke. Once again .. Thank you for the welcome :) Peace [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/5/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 17 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 340 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $153.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 27

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 229

New Quitters - SIGN UP HERE!

Please add me Mister Ed :) Peace [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/5/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 17 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 340 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $153.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 57

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 229

Good afternoon all :)

Oh my goodness ! What a great reception to receive 1st thing in the morning :) Thanks ;) So much support and encouragement... And btw folks you are ALL doing great ! ! ! ! I can see I'm in the right place by signing up here. It's a beauty of a day out there right now - Lots of sunshine but bloody cold ~~~~~ BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ! Well I think it's a 'stay at home and snuggle with a book and hot tea day' Have a super smoke free day all. Peace :p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/5/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 18 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 360 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $162.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 1 [B]Mins:[/B] 55 [B]Seconds:[/B] 58

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 229

I just want to be alone!!!!

Hello Jan, Even though this is a happy time, Easter and all, I find that even when there are happy times I end up feeling somewhat stressed out. There is good stress and bad stress. I agree with Josie, enjoy the festivities and then go to bed as early as you can :) Your body and mind will regroup while you sleep. You are doing so well .. Kudos to YOU ;) Peace :p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/5/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 18 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 360 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $162.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 19 [B]Seconds:[/B] 52

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 229

Hello

Hi Naomi, Congrats on your decision to stop smoking :) I too am using the patch, but I'm starting at 21 mg's as I smoked 20 per day and always lit up before eating breakfast. Try not to think so far ahead .. "I must admit I am a little scared at the idea of stopping the patches.." Go with the here and now hon. Taking small baby steps, one moment, one day at a time. We can't start thinking about the end when we're just at the beginning. Some can go off earlier than what the program calls for and other's may have to stay on them a wee bit longer - it's all an individual thing. NO two quits are the same. Ok.. well I've rambled on long enough..lol.. Congrats on 2 days smoke free :) :) Keep up the great work ! Peace :p [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/5/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 18 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 360 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $162.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 49 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28

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