Hi there. I'm 36 years old. Mom to two great girls. I'm divorced, it was really hard (especially the custody issues), but that's better, he and I get along OK as co-parents now. The whole situation brought me down the blackest spiral of hell. I almost didn't make it through, but I'm one of the lucky ones I guess. I wish the people who are most important to me understood, but I don't think they really could unless they've been to that abyss. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but if only they could feel it, they would know what I'm going through. My family (and the rare 2 friends who have their own abysses) love me unconditionally. I still crave their understanding, anyway. Luckily, I ended up getting to my doctor before I successfully harmed myself. The meds. are helping me become the person that I was so long ago. I've got smile wrinkles by my eyes now! I can't tell you how happy it makes me to see that! I still have a lot of work to do, still need alot of help. Hopefully, the help and love I have received and continue to happen upon will magnify through me and brighten others' days. As my little baby girl is so fond of saying, "Peace out".
One day at a time. If one day is too much, take it hour by hour. My dad always said, "The final page has not been turned." You will get through this. It gets easier. But you're right. It is scary!
Hi Blue_Steel. Sounds like you can pull off the same "trick" that I could. Screaming in pain on the inside, but can turn around and put on that invincible mask for the world. I hate it, but I'm good at it. Sometimes I tend to get lost on what normal is. My male co-workers that I can talk to reassure me that no, it is not normal for a man to threaten to hurt somebody he loves. Does that mean I have no backbone, no self-respect, or a heart bigger than my brain?
Hi Wishingwell.
I can relate to the giving up of the financial items. My fiance and I have decided to let him handle everything. I give him my paycheck. He handles the checking, savings, bills, credit cards, etc. It's a bit hard because I don't like to ask for help or money. (He also is helping to manage my medication and going to my psychologist with me.) He's working on understanding it all. My impulsiveness in spending added with my procrastination/getting sidetracked with bills has brought us to this. I'm kinda glad, though. It added to my stress...
I know it sounds mean, but I'd take her next $200.00 and hire a locksmith to change all of the locks! Sounds like she'd do the same if your positions were reversed!
One of the main things that I would like to improve is my relationship with my fiance. I'm not sure how to set a goal about "doing" rather than "feeling" for this. I tend to be the "people-pleaser" type that sacrifices myself for others. Top it off with not feeling understood and having a difficult time relating my feelings and things tend to spiral in a bad way. Any suggestions?
Thank you, Oly. I've been really making an effort to work on our relationship, but feel like I'm trying to go up-river with only one oar. I've invited him to come to my therapist and my psychiatrist with me so that they could possibly explain to him a bit about depression. I even printed out information for him from this site. Lately, he seems to be way more insensitive then ever. I swear, I don't use my depression as an "excuse" for my behavior (as he has been implying) but as a part of me that I can fix. I almost lost the battle with depression, but thankfully, made it through and got myself to the doctor. I know it's not recommended to make a big decision when you're depressed, but looking back at my activity schedules, I see how I'm becoming increasingly depressed around him. I guess it's time to be "selfish" and take care of myself.
Hi Confused. I'm glad you found this site, too. It's good to have someone to talk to that understands about depression without looking at you like you're weak or nuts... Keep hanging in there for the kiddos! The love and strength of my girls keeps me going...
Confused,
You definitly are right on the money with what you said! For a really long time I've been struggling with how I've had alot of difficulty with my (romantic) relationships when I try so hard to make it work. My therapist gently brought me to see how that can lead to being easily manipulated by the wrong type of man. Thank you for your support and your insight. Your goal suggestion is a good one, and, a-ha, OK, now I understand and can see some do-able things to help. (I'm a slow-learner,too, but good at remembering what I've learned!)
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