Thanks for the nice words Ashley. Unfortunately when I find something that works, which writing does for me, I tend to stop doing it. It's like taking medicine for something, when I start to feel better I stop the meds and usually end up sicker than before I started. I'm extremely grateful for finding this program as it nudged me to start writing again. Someday I hope to put it all in a book. Isn't there a saying that the great novel is the one that hasn't been written yet?
Thanks all for the encouraging words. I'm feeling very much off the beam, have been since Saturday. While I didn't physically relapse and pick up, I think I emotionally relapsed. I feel like I've been hungover for 2 days. Lot's to bring to my therapy session this week. I do get so much out of this program, and so appreciate the health educators and all the people who post here. This place has been a savior for me and I've only been here a month. I just posted a really crazy blog so if anybody is inclined to read the thoughts of a slightly off-centered person, have at it. Blogging has been the most beneficial thing I've done in a long time for my mental health.
Stephen
Congratulations. Reading your success story really gives me a sense of hope. Thank you for all the kind words and suggestions you have offered. I used to go to the sports page when I first logged on, now I come here first and read all the posts. I am learning to understand GAD and the panic cycle. I feel knowledge is power, especially when I read of others struggling with this and how they cope and in your case thrive.
Thanks again,
Stephen
PS the normal button doesn't work on this page either..........
I have been thinking about this a lot lately as it's one of my biggest character defects. I go so far out of my way to please everybody. It's so hard to decipher what is really being nice and what is just wanting to be liked. I would like for people to like me as a person, not by what I can do to make them happy. Upsetting another person or standing up for myself has always been very uncomfortable for me. I usually back down and then suffer anxiety or depression over my inability to just say or act naturally. I also am a perfectionist because how could anybody possibly not like somebody who does everything perfect. (I'm far from it, but I can't get myself to stop trying) Any thoughts on this?
Stephen
I've been reading the posts, but haven't had any time to respond as I have had trouble thinking of anything outside my own little world. I have gotten a lot out of them and find them informative and mostly uplifting. I did manage to blog a bit the past few days, what a huge help.
I totally emphasize with you and want to let you know you are not alone with these feelings.
The physical symptoms are hard to ignore and very confusing. Using the worksheets here has helped me to realize I get almost the exact same feelings with every attack and the exact same thing happens and then I start to feel better within a few minutes. It's very difficult change my thinking during an attack, but I am making progress.
I totally understand the alcohol affect, as last Saturday night I had my first drink in over 3 years, September 30th 2006 in fact. I woke up Sunday morning with the absolute worst hangover ever. The anxiety I was trying to drink away came back 10 fold, plus the guilt of having blown 3 years of sobriety made for a long Sunday. By afternoon I was feeling much better, much less anxious and on my way to an AA meeting to pick up a 24 hour chip. Talk about a humbling experience.
I have determined I needed to look at my life a little less seriously, be kinder to myself and forgive myself. It's hard to give yourself permission to feel good.
I'm traveling some today, which is something that makes me very anxious. I am trying to replace the anxious thoughts about the trip with thought of the joy I will experience when I get there.
Keep writing as we're always here and it's such a comforting feeling knowing that.
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