I live in Vancouver, Canada and I am a married 35 year old mother of two girls. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic disorder and sever social phobia early June, 2004. I have tried many different medications: Effexor, Zanax, Ativan, Clonazepam, Remeron, Seroquel all of which have not worked. Today I started 10mg of Cipralex. Has anyone tried this medication? So far I have seen two psychiatrists and I will be seeing a psychotherapist next week. I feel like I am in quick sand upto my neck and I am slowly sinking to the bottom with no hope of getting out or recovery. I have lost alot of weight, sleep about 3 hours a night, I feel extremely tired all the time and I can't deal with my kids. I am thankful that my husband, family and friends are so supportive but they really don't understand what I am going through. They think that you should be able to just make yourself feel happy. I had been trying that for the past year and look at me now.
Over the past 3 1/2 months I have been taking Effexor. I started at 37/5mg, then gradually increased to 300mg with 5 weeks. Effexor did nothing for me. Throughout that time I also took Zanax, Ativan and Clonazepam. I take Seroquel and Remeron to help me sleep which seems to work as I now get 5-6 hours a night instead of the 2-3 I was geting on Effexor. After getting a second opinion I am now taking Cipralex. Has anyone taken Cipralex and what, if any, side effects did you experience.
Sharon
I was taking Xanax for about 2 months and it did nothing for me. For the first couple of weeks it felt like I was in a cloud floating. I also sleep way more, about 6 hours during the day and 10-12 hours at night. After about 2 weeks those syptoms went away. I found that with Xanax and any other drug that I have taken the doctor always says give it time, give it time. I knew it wasn't working but he wouldn't allow me to go off the drug. I also try and do research about the drugs.
I was on Effexor for 3 1/2 months, gradually building up to 300mg per day. I was on 300mg per day for 8 weeks and it did nothing. Since taking Effexor I did have trouble sleeping. My psychiatrist gave me Seroquel and Remeron which I take 1 hour before I go to bed. Once in bed I pass out instantly and I sleep for about 5 hours. I love those five hours as it is only peace I get. I now take Cipralex.
Last Thursday I went to see my Psychiatrist. During the hour I was there he was able to shed some light on my depression and anxiety. It turns out that I blame myself for the death of my bestfriend and my boyfriend. My bestfriend, Cathy, was raped and murdered early 1991. I grew up with her and we were inseperable. We moved into together when we finished school and did everything together. She moved away on 1990 and was living in a different state when she died. Later that same year my boyfriend of 2 years was killed in a car accident. I was supposed to met him after work but I had a huge headache and just went straight home to bed. I didn't phone him or anything. He was drinking with a buddy and got in the car with him and they both died in a car accident (drunk driving). Apparently I blame myself for this as I didn't phone him. One other thing that came out of this session was I regret having my tubes tied. I had my tubes tied 4 yours ago. My husband only wanted 2 kids and I wanted four. Due to my low self-esteem and feeling inferior to him, and feeling inferior to almost everyone I had my tubed tied instead of having a backbone and letting him know how I felt. I am finding it hard to deal with not being able to have anymore kids. I think about it all the time now and it is overwhelming. The psychiatrist has recommended I see a psychotherapist who I see on Tuesday. Does anyone know the difference between a psychiatrist and a psuchotherapist?
My treatment goal is to get a backbone. I always give in and never voice my opinion as I worry what people will think of me or it might turn into an argument. My communication skills need alot of work. Another goal is to stop saying sorry. Even when my husband disagrees with me I am always saying sorry. It has nothing to do with him but my low, actually non-existent self-esteem. I feel really stupid and not smart, ugly, and all I want now is for people to like me. At the end of this journey I won't care if people like me as I will LOVE MYSELF. This journey WILL make me a STRONGER and BETTER person.
Hi Casey,
Thanks for your kind words and support. You don't know how hard it has been over the past 4 months. On reflecting on my life, I have had low self-esteem since I was a teenager. I was very athletic in school and people didn't like me because of it. I am also very hard on myself, which I know is self-defeating. I am usually optimistic about everyone but a pessimist when it comes to me. I am scared about going to my appointment tomorrow but I know I have to go. Along with my despression I have anxiety, panic disorder (I am a member of Panic Center) and severe social phobia. I only leave my house when I have to go and see a doctor. When I do leave the house I have sever panic attacks. In the past 4 weeks I have only left my house 4 times as I see my doctor/psychiatrist on a weekly basis.
Thanks you once again. This site had given me hope.
Sharon
I feel like I am looking in a mirror when I read your story. I am exactly the same. I worry about what people think instead of what I think. I too am a perfectionist and controlling, especially when it comes to my work. My attitude is it is easier if I do all the work then I know it will be perfect, instead of teaching someone how to do it and let them try and teach them. I also put people on a very high moral and ethical standard. People have said my standards are to high, but it is very important to me to have good moral and be very ethical. Most of the people I work with do not share my morals or ethics. My biggest regret is 4 years ago I had my tubes tied. I wanted 4 kids and my husband wanted 2 kids. My husband is a teacher and university a university degree and I don't. I have one year of college. I feel inferior to him. I believe I had my tubes tied so that he would think I am smart as I agree with him. What a huge mistake that was. I don't know what to do about that. I think about it allt he time. When I see kids on TV, playing outside I start breakdown and cry. I makes me feel so depressed and sad. I hate that I can't control these thoughts. I feel like I am in quicksand upto my neck and I am about to go under.
Anytime you want to talk let me know.
Sharon
I have been dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and sever social phobia for the past 3 1/2 months. I have become the exact opposite of what I used to be. I became a recluse. I never answered the phone, or allowed anyone to come over. I only go outside when I have to go to the doctor, otherwise I am prisoner in my own home. Over the past month I started to talk with friends via email, which seemed to help. I told them that if I phoned not to ask me any questions about what I was going through but to discuss what was happening in their life or what was happening at work. Gradually I would phone my friends and speak for a couple of minutes. The only people I spoke to on a regular basis was my Mum and Dad and my sister, who live in Australia and I live in Canada.
Gabbi,
Do you still live in Australia? I grew up in a small town about 200kms west of Adelaide. I went to see a psychotherapist for the first time. I had a panic attack for 2 hours in the morning and the hour that I was with her. I feel totally exhausted but I learnt that I have issues that date back to when I am a child. I can't believe the things I bottled up inside from such a youg age. I am going to see my 3rd Psychiatrist on Friday as my medication is not working, and nothing has worked so far. Going to the doctor or therapist is the only time I leave my house. I think I have become to used to being in the house that I don't ever want to leave. After coming home this afternoon I had a breakdown. I felt so low that I didn't know what I was going to do. I am just starting to recover from that. I feel so helpless and like a total failure. I can't believe how bad I feel at the moment. Every second is a struggle.
Take care - Sharon
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