Thanks Lynn, yes I am really down on myself and still feel physically ill. im not to sure what triggered it . I was away at my fams house and that always started the drinking cause they drink. I do however feel like a huge load is taken off my shoulders cause I spoke to them and they understand will support me so now I know when I go no means no . so that is pretty positive , I have journaled before it has helped . I think I struggle with always self destructing . I do well and then I sabotage it some how not always with drinking but somehow . I have been here on and off for over a decade . I feel like enough is enough and I can and will do it . but I do love the welcome support its very comforting for everyone and thank you for replying to my posts . how are you ?(if you done mind me asking )
Battle is totally mine it always has been , I always have had the need to find approval from others in which why my journey is not to love myself . But I do feel relief that I was able to speak my truth and finally get the support. Mind you I say finally like it was never there it was always there im sure I just never really spoke my truth . I just feel a huge weight lifted it was like just letting it all out there . and now it will be nice that there is understanding rather then convincing from others and of course as always my self because really it always has come from myself.
Thanks for all the lovely feedback and encouragement xo
100% ! I have read a bit of the book and can relate to most stories, I have been convincing myself in all shapes and forms for decades . I convinced myself Saturday . and here I am still feeling crappy on day six after the fact. When I drink dont feel any anxiety ( which I suffer from am in meds) and so I think I just chase it . Only it cause's way more after .
Thanks for replying Foxman and for the info and support !
So last Saturday night I drank so much I was so ill the next day physically, I mean vomiting more than once and just really bad. its now Friday I still feel off . I feel better of course and haven't vomited since Sunday but I do feel nauseous at times , groggy and still fatigue . not sure if I also caught something or could it be from alcohol still? I mean I drank a lot ! and it was something I dont normally drink too , hard liquor.
Thank you Lynn, I guess I let anxiety get the best of me . I do have a bug some fam here at home were sick . But my body also still recovering . I went hard on sat. Appreciate your reply's so much :)
Lynn that's amazing ! and yes same feeling ! that's great thank you for sharing! such an inspiration! Makes a big difference for me now that I have le that out . I think yes it was telling my family but in telling them I was admitting to myself ( even though I knew) hard to explain .
I have gone for three years before but I did convince myself that I was ok and here I am . But healing is not linear so I need to stop beating myself up because that was also part of my issue ( in my opinion)
Thank you Lynn, I really appreciate your sharing but also this post, and your replies . This is why I come back. Everyone here is so supportive , understanding and caring (which may sound weird as we are only online ) I am grateful for it and everyone .
I also remember times with little activity and how I wish there was , that's why I really appreciate this post . Your posts are helpful. This site has such good support so I think that's why I like it here . one thing I am going to do is go back to my old posts even to when I was " Junebug" I couldn't log in so had to create a new account. its interesting to see the same patterns in my behavior. Wishing you a great day Lynn
Hope everyone is keeping safe and well during this time in our lives, how is everyone doing? I have decided to go to online aa meetings, I find they help me , I know f2f are better but for me right now this is what I think is working, I mean in the end its what actually works for you ,
I have come to realize something really big last while, I had some drinks I noticed my before , during and after feelings. I have high anxiety always , so before , I have anxiety and worry and worry . when I have a drink that worry is gone , I feel good, relaxed and no worrying! I chase that feeling all night , next morning I am hung, physically ill, anxiety has come back even worse and shame and guilt ( even if I don't act like and ass) is there too. crazy ,. I have been thinking about these before , during and after feelings a lot , the pattern , the cycle . it literally is what happens every time. I thought it was big and wanted to share . has anyone else experienced this type of realisation? anyhow I really hope everyone is doing well .
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