Hey there Dream Reality - How are you today?
I've been reading and comprehending your posts and replies from (our) friends and seem I want to add something. First, I'd like to say that you sound very level headed and caring, which are both wonderful as you start this journey. Second, in reading and re-reading everything I think you have to do what I suggested to another AHC member; get yourself ready to do something strong and courageous for yourself, your daughter, family, and friends - turn your vision away from the past 180 degrees and take that first tiny step forward and don't look back. Understanding the past has been troubling is very important - but focusing on it will take away the energy you need to be strong - and believe me, you'll need every ounce of energy and strength to take these steps - BUT Dream Reality - it will be sooooo worth it.
I myself have found this site to be life-changing in a very positive way. Jump in, let yourself feel freedom to post and express things that are deep inside you - that you felt you could never tell anyone - but you CAN here, because we a.) don't know who you are and b.) will reply honestly and openly, and c.) will be your "sounding board" to help keep you in the right direction.
Start also doing two things I have found to be immensely positive in my cutting out 85% of my consumption in the first month; start a blog/thread on your profile page, and go back a few weeks if you can and honestly post you consumption in the "My Diary" section. Having to be accountable to yourself everyday, and logging in the drinks - helps you see in black-and-white what you're doing. I actually printed the graph and have it on my desk so it keeps me working hard to accomplish my goal.
Sorry, got rambling as I have a tendency to do.
I will end the way everyone here is probably tired of reading from me:
Dream Reality - trust in yourself, BELIVE in yourself, and success will find you ...... it can happen, have faith.
Your friend,
runner