I've come to see that there's a lot of value in a few moments of feeling good and right with the world.
At day four in my quit...chances are pretty good that I'm going to have some challenges today around my quit. I'm going to have some cravings, at times I'm not going to feel all that comfortable in my own skin,... I'm going to find myself mentally reaching for that cigarette (that isn't there)... and drawing back, reminding myself that I don't smoke anymore. There's going to be moments or minutes of anxiety, grief, anger, sadness, disorientation...
But in the midst of all that... there will also be periods of hope, gratitude, perhaps a sense of 'normalcy'...
At this moment I feel good. I'm writing this and I'm focused on my vision for the future. At this moment... the craving isn't there. I can appreciate that my body is healing, my identity is changing... the ways I relate to the world around me is becoming healthier and less self-destructive.
This moment is the reward that I kept looking for in a cigarette, and never found. The cigarettes gave me artificial relief, a false sense of satisfaction and affirmation... they gave me a lie, and then asked me to pay for it with my health, my quality of life, my self-image... and ultimately my life itself.
Today will have its challenges. I'm learning how to live life on different terms, and there's going to be some pain. But there will also be moments like this, when I'm happy to be alive, and becoming more 'fully alive' than I've been in almost 34 years.
For today, that's enough. It's a promise of things to come.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/6/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 113
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $37
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 39 [B]Seconds:[/B] 47
