In times gone by I used to get excited and often mad after a day of trying to fit in with the apples. Now I find the situation funny and often find myself smiling at their antics. They probably find me a bit strange although not so much anymore since I've developed more tolerance. I've also found that I am accepted for my individuality. I'm accepted as an intelligent person worth talking to and they take the time to do just that. Part of it is the smile I think. I mentioned a fair while back using a mirror to get rid of negatives. You can not smile and feel negative, the smile won't reach your eyes. So now I consciously try to smile. Along with that I make a conscious effort to see some beauty in the apple world. Total strangers talk to me. Kids even. Cripples frowning at the world around them scare the hell out of kids. I smile and say thank you to people that hold the door for me even though it isn't necessary. This I do for me so I can pass through their world more smoothly and find it gives me a better fit. I can't change a world I don't care for but I can change how I see it and how I pass through it. I'm still an orange, just a better one, a more capable one. A happy one and it shows.
Here is an interesting coincidence, it seems that my dry nose at night is due to not enough used tears running down the back of my nose. Artificial tears for my dry eyes at bed time fixed it. The dry eyes are from inflamed tear ducts from the arthritis. I hate the pasty mouth from breathing through it.
I broke my nose three times, once on a motor cycle and twice working in the bush. Last time I went down to my truck and stuffed it with toilet paper and straightened it as best as I could in the mirror. It is pretty good now, I just couldn't bend over for a couple of days.
Your analogy about the apples and oranges has helped me so much, and continues to help me as I find I am really changing how I react towards apples now a days but am in the middle of the change so it always helps so much to have someone to talk it through with.
In the past I really needed apples to like me and I went to great lengths to try to make that happen. I have lots of examples and stories and dramas that ensued from my desire to get apples to like me. I really wasn't able to be myself which led to problems of course.
I am in the process of correcting that now. On the positive side I feel excited actually because I think that this will free up a lot of time that I was using up on that whole project.
I found what you wrote here so important to where I am at right now. I also do not rain on peoples parades but I have a long history of trying to tune in to what the apple person who is in front of me wanted me to be and then trying to be that. Now that I am doing something else, something more authentic, I suspect that I will just choose how often I see them during the course of a week or month. I still get an emotional reaction to all of this. I hope that that tones down and smoothes out with time.
Isn't it great when someone takes a load off, no matter how small? My mind works full time to make things harder, sometimes.
Today I asked about making a delayed project in the spring, and feel better knowing that I just have to "deal with it", since I've never done that. Communities get planned 50 years ahead!
And I couldn't sleep, since my crooked nose needs to breathe. I hate the pastiness of my mouth in the morning, and I'm fatigued. The dry air doesn't help, so I'm going to turn the heat down. Putting out laundry on a sunny day felt good though.
I do love pumpkin soup. Mine is a combination of spices and a bit of cayenne to give it some heat. I love potato leak soup too.
It took a while to get used to the fact that it is okay to be alone. We are not the only ones who do this, but there are so many more apples than oranges that their way just makes it seem wrong. I don't think their way is wrong just that some times I want the peace and quiet of alone. If anything it is selfish not anti social. I do not rain on other peoples parade. I can share their parade and go home. A sort of diluted participation that satisfies all our needs not just theirs. Someone very close to me never understood this need no matter how hard I tried to explain. Actually there were a few people that couldn't understand. But you do so that makes it okay. We are oranges, not freaks.
Davit.
PS. Knowing I have a driver takes the load off but knowing I could do it alone if I had to helps.
I did have a restful day. The weather here is nice and calm as well. I ended up making a spicy pumpkin soup today and enjoyed an afternoon nap. A few years ago I had a lot of negative thoughts and feelings about spending holidays home without the big hustle bustle of a big family gathering. But I enjoyed today's quiet.
One of my goals is to make holidays enjoyable for me, and I think this weekend was a step in that direction. I worked on some projects for upcoming charity events too so felt connected to others in that way instead. As you know I have had such struggles trying to figure out how to live around so many apples but this weekend was more about being alone and happy to be an orange than try to be happy around apples which really just doesn't work no matter how hard I tried.
Unless he bales on me I have some one to go with me. I will phone tomorrow and get directions so we don't have to waste time looking for the place. I'm making the pie now. Rather than a turkey I'm just going to have a chicken breast and potatoes.
Wishing you a relaxing day too. It is very calm here, not even the leaves moving. A very nice fall day.
Did you make your pie? I am going to have roasted pumpkin with butter for lunch today. If I had more energy I'd make a pie with it but I need to be in rest mode this weekend.
Did you find a driver for your trip to PG? I hope so.
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