For me my fear of death is usually when I am aware of tension in my body, then the thoughts come, oh I might die, how sad and like Isabella I don't like to die young though I am middle aged now. I had this fear of dying for many years though. I've thought through why I don't want to die young. To me, my faulty thinking is that to get sick and die young say before 70 is a sign of weekness, that I am a failure and I imagine the sorts of unpleasant things people and my relatives would say about me and my death. I am a very sensitive person and I get hurt by unkind looks and words. Similarly, I hate to have these thoughts of dying in the public, usually when I am aware of tension, so I think oh what happens if I have a heart attack etc. Now in public it usually again is a silly notion that if I collapse, no one will help me and they will just look at me and laugh or walk away and not assist and so I could probably die. I have this feeling cos people are less helpful and kind these days, the world seems to be such an unpleasant place to be if one is ill or not young and not fit especially in the big cities. I am not entirely religious and have not many people around me for moral support. So in a way I tend not to let go easily and am hypervigilant as I am too ashamed to die young. Silly I know from a logical level, but how do I convince my subconsious which has been hurt to let go. The other silly thing is that I sometimes wonder what if the doctors mistook one to be dead as I am not too trusting of some doctor's competency, and then you are buried or cremated. I just try not to think about this last one as that really scares me. As I said earlier on , when I relax these thoughts don't come that often or if they do, they don't get me too low, and sometimes just not giving these thoughts too much time, helps as well. Having said that there is obviously sometime at a subconsious level that is sad and hence not willing to let go hence causing unnessary anxiety. :)
