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Browse through 386984 posts in 42764 threads.

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Please welcome our newest members: AJND, Bella1236, Coconut88, Sunshine in the Rain, NeverBroken

Stunned


~m
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3 years ago 0 ~m 560 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Oh yes! Our dogs are lifesavers! True friends when no one else gets it.  It's kind of you to be so thoughtful about sharing with your brother.  Maybe that time will come when you have a better handle on this yourself.  I'm glad you are here and can share some as you work through the program.  Is there anything you have read so far that really speaks to you yet?  I've only just started back and am having to push hard to do even a little bit.  Knowing you are here and Listening helps me to come back, check in and do the work.  I need all the motivation I can get!  So, thank you for sharing... ~m
Super Girl
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3 years ago 0 Super Girl 27 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my post. I just still feel so shocked. It's like someone punched me and I'm dazed. I keep finding myself completely zoned out for who knows how long. Coping right now in the immediate here and now I've been trying to keep myself busy...cooking cleaning folding laundry. If I can keep my body and mind occupied then I don't have to think about this at least consciously. Part of my depression has always been those horrible intrusive thoughts and keeping busy helps me keep them at bay. I wish I had people to lean on. My first instinct was to call one of my brothers but I don't want to share with him something he doesn't want to or need to hear. Life is hard enough without someone else forcing bad thoughts on you. He is younger than I am so I don't know how much he remembers of our early childhood and if he doesn't remember things then he is spared some of the pain. My husband doesn't really get it. Divorce is so "taboo" in his extended family and what I'm feeling is not something he can understand. I live over 1,000 miles away from my entire family so there isn't anyone I can turn to for support. I've reached out to a friend in my social circle, but not much is going to come from that. Anyway, thank you for caring and listening. I am glad that I joined this site. Maybe this set back will be the push that I need to continue the work that I have started here. Super powers...right now I'm relying on the unconditional love of my dog who just wants to play, have a treat, and take a nap. Such a life and such calmness she brings me! Super Girl
~m
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3 years ago 0 ~m 560 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
And it is totally OK to not be happy on the holidays Super Girl.  We do tend to beat ourselves up with how we "should" be feeling.  This anger you are feeling with the realization of what really happened takes precedence over any "holiday happiness."  
 
Really important work you are doing.  Tough work.  You are so brave to seek out the truth.  I hope you can be gentle with yourself as you process.  How are you coping? Do you have a safe person to process with? What super power will you be using to help yourself through this? 
 
"listening" & caring ~m 
Super Girl
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3 years ago 0 Super Girl 27 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo
I learned something about my father this weekend that has floored me. My parents divorced when I was six, and I have never known the reason. 35 years later I finally got the nerve to ask my mom what happened. I had kind of assumed that the issue was money or the time my dad had t put in at his job or that he didn't want to have the third child that came along surprisingly. It turns out that he had been having an affair for years - at least 3 years. My mom kept giving him time to work things out, but one day he just left and never came back. After a year she filed for divorce. This has made me so so upset. I wanted to know and I deserved to know because not only did he leave my mom, he left three children - under the age of 5. And I just keep thinking to myself "what kind of a person DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT? What kind of a jerk has an affair when his wife is home with a toddler and a newborn? What kind of person continues this when his wife is pregnant, when they move to a different city? What kind of a person marries this horrible woman after his wife divorced him and makes his kids live part time with the two of them?? It is just sick and disturbing and I'm so pissednoff that this man ruined my childhood and set me up for a lifetime of dealing with the emotional trauma that all of this caused. I keep thinking that it wasn't about the kids that it was something between my parents only, but then I think NO. NO it WAS about my brothers and about me too. It's about someone who cares about their own selfish things and puts those things above anybody and anything else. When you decide to get married and decide to have children, you no longer can make decisions solely as an individual. What you do affects everyone in the family and thus affected my entire life. I feel betrayed, cheated out of a "normal" childhood, a "normal" family. My childhood was such a disaster and it was this selfish jerk that made it that way. And it's thanksgiving and I'm supposed to be feeling thankful and happy and loving and I just don't want to.

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