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I don't know what I'm doing. It seems so much easier to drink than not. I was happier when I was drinking right now anything and everything is pushing me to think horrible things. Today is the first day I was able to get out of bed. And my brain feels like it's swelling through my skull every time I take a step. I've had a few shots here and there the past two days to keep me from doing something stupid. I have been doing emdr for urges and they arnt that bad it's the terrible headache and wanting to off myself at the smallest irritant that's the worst. Even the first two days freezing cold with a fever and horrible shakes weren't as bad as how I am doing emotionally.
Right now I feel like I'm going to be miserable forever. My husband is the worst and the biggest trigger of my drinking yet I can't bring myself to leave due to the complications that would arise. Has anyone been here and gotten past it? Too scared to go to an AA meeting ashamed of who I am .
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