Funny, I just read the chapter "to the families" In the big book. Lots of talk on how the children react to recovery. If you have not read it I recommend it. It may help you to see what the kids are thinking.
As for the self loathing, I did a very through 4th and 5th step. Grown 220 pound man and I cried many times during my 5th. After I felt such a relief, it was amazing. Since then I do not self loath, I am grateful for my past, it brought me to a sober today.
I wish everyone a sober 24 hrs.