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An Urge or Chioce

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11218

Hi Swig Nomore,

It looks like you have pin pointed criteria that help you manage your drinking. This will be important to remember. It also sounds like you really know what you need. Your gut seems to be telling you what is ok and what is not ok. Listen to it. I still think what you did was amazing BUT if you feel it was not a good choice for you then pay attention to these feelings.

It sounds like you have a really good handle on things. It also sounds like you have a great mindset. Getting to that point takes a lot of work, so again - amazing work

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi Everyone!

Will looking at it today it doesn't really seem like a good idea. Last night it did---as most things do when you are drinking and planning. In the light of the day it seems like a stupid idea that my AV hatched to suck me back into the hell I once lived in. And infact if I take a good look at where I was and where I am now.....why in the world would I want to even try one day a month! No I can't drink. I've said it again and I again. I know deep in my heart I can't drink. I just have trouble giving up control of myself---which is what my AV tells me I'm doing when I announce that I'm not drinking. Then eyes are watching, then people hold me accountable....then i don't have control over if I want to drink or not because my family has said don't do it! OK,---I know in real life alcohol has control when I think like that. And I have control when I choose NOT to drink. So why then did I do it? If I flash back to this summer when I quit---I felt so great! So proud and it started to seem easy....then i had my setback. And ever since then I've had trouble with my resolve. I've had trouble committing back to it...I know it's right. I know this is how i want to live....But, all the sudden I was having trouble finding something to say on this site, having trouble journaling and blogging...Like a disconnect. Why?

Dave, to answer your question....my family is pissed. They are like really mad, disappointed and disgusted with me---yet again. My husband is scared for me and disappointed. I almost think it's the lies that bother him the most. But, as I told him last night---I lie to you about it when I do it because I know you won't let me do it so I hide it then you ask me about it when you know the answer and so I lie....it's stupid!! That was the conversation that was the genesis of my one time a month idea. But TS--you are right. Once a month will end up as once a day. I am not gonna kid myself---I have no control. Given the green light to binge one day a month I'd drink myself to blackout.

Dave, Yep---I did drink a lot but, i've had more. I didn't black out though but, I was argumentative for a while. Then we just pushed past it because we were going to do a family activity (that makes it even worse timing). Foxman, you are right...i had the success of the vodka before. I think the craving has been there since I gave in and had that vodka back earlier this month. I 've been fighting it a lot it seems. It's like if i just turn my back on it alcohol will go away...that the urge will leave. It isn't happening though. I like that---it's an inside job. Yes, most definately.

Thanks for the feedback. I guess I'm in a bit of a distress right now. I'm sleep deprived too....and at work....Oh the joy of a hangover....

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Ashley,

I believe there were several things that helped me stay in control, the main one being; this hunting trip was planned well in advance and I did not want to ruin it for my hunting partners or myself (we take our hunting seriously). In addition, safety is always a big consideration, especially when using firearms; alcohol just doesn’t belong there. Following a long tiring day of hunting, it’s great to relax back at the cabin in the evening and enjoy a few drinks (if you can keep it at a few).

I didn’t consider my actions as anything amazing, rather, I felt somewhat disappointed in myself for not remaining AF. I didn’t feel like I had accomplished or conquered anything by drinking responsibly. Sure, I was able to maintain my priorities over alcohol on this particular trip but I also know from my past history, that I can only moderate for a short while. This is precisely why I decided to go AF again.

Nodrama,

I’m not sure if planning one day a month has any benefit. For me, I believe it would only result in disappointment and a blow to self-confidence. Stay Strong!

Swig

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 10

The same urge happened to me during the weekend. First thing i told myself before having a sip is that no alcohol will control me. I Had 8bottles of beers within a period of 8hrs with a lot of bottled water and food on the side.Felt like having a shot a strong drink but my conscience couldn't let me coz this would lead to binge drinking. Woke up refreshed with no regrets whatsoever (this has never happened in the past). This made me feel great about myself.

To me, its more of overcoming and letting go of the past habits - self control also crucial. It was quite hard but sailed through. No pain No gain

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

I had the urge today....gave in I hate to say. 6 shots of vodka and a bottle of wine over 8 hrs.

Probably you started of with the idea that you could have a shot or two of Vodka, bolstered by the success you had last time you bought Vodka and drank. This is the insanity of the disease, the peculier mental twist that precedes the first drink. And then, for some reason, the craving kicked in this time and you ended up drinking a whole lot more than you planned. This is powerlessnes. About repeating this once a month, I strongy doubt it. You may not be able to stop and the binge may continue for days together, perhaps even weeks.

But the powerlessness is something you need to realize deep down within, its an inside job.

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi ND,

Not that long ago I posted a similar query. AV was bargaining and I was attempting to strike a deal. We agreed on once a month where I could drink without abandon and I would drink alone. I didn’t want or need any eyes counting how many drinks I had. I didn’t want or need anyone to judge me. I just wanted to be left alone to satisfy my AV.

I did put it to the test but AV soon convinced me that once a week wouldn’t be so bad. After all, lots of people unwind after a long work week (although I’m essentially retired), so why couldn’t I? So, the deal was struck and I drank only one day a week…alone. It wasn’t long before my thoughts were consumed with just that one day. I made sure that I wouldn’t be disturbed that day with calls, appointments or any responsibilities whatsoever. I wanted to be just left alone with my booze. I then rationalized that maybe I should get two bottles of wine for that one day and just start a little earlier. After all, it was “my” one day and why not really let loose.

Thing was, I’d pass out before finishing both bottles but had gotten into the habit of taking whatever was left to bed with me. When I woke in the middle of the night, there it was and again, rationalize that it was part of my one day so would finish whatever was left. And so the ride began. Off to the liquor store in the morning to nurse my buzz for the rest of the weekend.

No matter how many times I’d try to convince myself that I could keep my binges under control, I would fail. I’ve spent this entire year attempting to do exactly what you are proposing. I now know that I can’t. I know if I start drinking it will, in short order escalate to drinking several times a week and all the misery that goes with it. I either stop completely as I have now or I drink.

ND, the only person that can make this call is you. You know yourself and whether you can keep your drinking to just one day a month. You also know whether you are kidding yourself.

The choice is yours,

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi ND,

I can only speak for myself, however, getting totalled one day a month does't really help. I find that the following week is quite difficult, from an anxiety point of view. Because I'm going against what I know is right for me, it makes it difficult to feel good about my decision. Quite the opposite actually. That's quite a bit to drink.....I know because I've consume that very menu before. That's quite a bit. How did that go over with the family? That fact that it even seems reasonable is a huge red flag. Thoughts ND?

All the best,

Dave

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

I had the urge today....gave in I hate to say. 6 shots of vodka and a bottle of wine over 8 hrs. I have decided that I might be able to moderated/abstain better if I had one day a month where I'm letting it all go. My husband watches our kids and I'm dissolved. I don't know if I should or not but it seems reasonable. One time a month?? What do u guys think?

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

moderating your drinking is a big thing. knowing your limitation is a cool thing too. Keep it up, all the best for you :)

9 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11218

Hi Swig Nomore

It sounds like you were in control of your drinking during this trip and you were able to stop when you wanted to. This is amazing! What do you think allowed you to have such control?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

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