I really like your last couple of posts on this thread and how you've asserted positive control over this challenge. What you are doing right  now, with affirmative messaging to yourself  like "I'm not going back there" is exactly the thing to be doing. I did the same when I started and I still do now. You are setting boundaries for yourself and dealing with the problems that gave rise to the problem. Setting boundaries.....assertiveness.....self-honesty.....these are just a few examples of areas where, undeveloped, or ignored will leave one feeling weak and no sense of control. We have to address them. And you are definitely not foolish in your thinking that you don't have the answers, only feelings. When you become mindful of the feelings, embrace them, and learn to understand them the answers will come to you. People learn to suppress their feelings however we need to recognize them and live them. When we suppress our feelings and our interests and callings we suppress enjoyment of life. Why do you think people do that?

Great work ND! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I got a lot out it and others will too..

All the best,

Dave

   In AA we say, we ought to share from our experience and not our opinion. And when I quote the big book, usually I try to share how it relates to me and the situation the original poster is in. Having said that I have no idea how RR works. I can only share my knowledge I have acquired from the book Alcoholics Anonymous. But I am here to say, AA has no monopolly over recovery from alcoholism and it encourages the person reading the book draw conclusion whether he/she has a problem and the solution will work. The big book, written back in 1939 could be intimidating and for me I got more out of by listening to some good workshops on the book. You can find them on my blog.

Hi Foxman!  Here are some thoughts I have...and I've been struggling as of late with some decisions about my future, as you know.  Your post made me think....While the big book hit's lots of points and truth. I sometimes find it doom and gloom. I do like the Rational Recovery approach as it gives power to us to make our lives right.  I mean---we can have power to not take that first drink. I agree that after a certain point,  the alcohol drives the bus so to speak and there is no control--such is the nature of the Beast. BUT--we can take control of our thoughts and organize ourselves to see where our problem drinking alcoholic tendancy comes from.  I think we decide to be a productive part of society or decide to be a victim.  I don't want to be a victim. I refuse to believe that I have to surrender myself to this because I think if you feel powerless over alcohol then alcohol wins.  Just my thoughts on the subject.  I like the quote that says---"The less people tolerated us the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. " That is so true! And we do seek out companionship and approval for our distructive behavior. That's right on---but that goes to my point that we can control who we are around, the situations we put ourselves in and most of all our thoughts. I refuse to go back to the dark helpless place I put myself with drinking. It was miserable, sick in the morning, sick at night, people mad at me all the time, worry about what i had done or who I drug into my mess of a life and mess of a mind.  But once my mind was free of alcohol for a period of time, I was able to see the problems I had that were causing the circle of my drinking. And the problems--as I thought of them---were something I was better able to handle and fix once free of the drinking.  I was a victim of my own self distruction. I say to myself every day---I'm not going back there. I'm not that person any longer. As I said in a different string, I have been trying to practice moderation and think I got very close to the edge this weekend.  That makes me want to pull myself back and be stronger in my resolve. I don't want to slip back down the slope so i have to make my mind up to stay completely away for a longer while. The old me would have kept on trying over the weekend and that would have ended badly....very badly. I think that's a positive step in control. Perhaps I'm foolish in my thinking because I will freely admit I don't have the answers just my feelings.

 

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did -- then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen -- Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!

1st I thought that stop drinking will solve all my problems... It did not.

2nd For the first time in my life I am taking care of myself. I am a nurse and I am very good in caring for others not for me. I feel like I am focusing on me and my situation does not improve.

I told my psychologist I feel disabled: I am alcoholic which means I can't share glasses with friends or go clubbing for a night.

OK I have other occupations (sport mostly) but still sometimes I think stop drinking is becoming someone else. 

I have never heard before people tell me "don't you think you drink too much?"

But now people are shocked, they think I am shocked, I am depressed, I had a trauma...

From my side I miss the friendly parties we had with old friends drinking wine and laughing about life.... I feel alone and bored.

Hi Mcaodha

I am at just over 3 mos alcohol free and I know how you feel. I am in a bit of a rut myself at the moment. My Mother in law came to visit and I was so stressed, for the first time in a long while I thought how nice it would be to have a drink. One thing I know from years of relapsing is that for me, it will never ever be one drink. I don't know your history, have you had any relapses in the past ?  They were a great learning experience for me.

 

Josie's first question is the key. There are so many positives in my abstinence that there is absolutely no way in the world that I will risk loosing it all.

God Bless

Hi mcaodha,

3 months! Great work mcaodha. Well done!

 

I found the same thing. I felt very stressed at times in months after. This is pretty normal from everything I've read and experienced myself. You have to be patient and stick to your plan. It will pass. How is your eating and nutrition? Do you get much exercise? Being stressed is part of life, as you well know. Have you added any new activities, ie. yoga or working out to the mix? It really helps to get the endorphin release going.

Keep going. You're doing amazing!

 

Best regards,

 

Dave