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16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Josie, Thanks for the reply.

The thing with my friend started when I sent him an e-mail giving him some knews and I spoke of some stuff I could usually share with him in the past. All I got for an answer was: wow. Wow, what does wow mean anyway? so I said: Well, sorry for bothering you with my e-mail... He said: No worries. I bother reading his e-mails and finding something to say that lets him know I read and care! I felt so in the way and like he just couldn't be bothered with me. Since when did people stop caring what their friends think?

As for two other of my friends, they are both too busy to make time for me, or even to answer my e-mails or phone messages. Finally my other friend has so much on her plate that when I see her (yes, she at least makes time) I give her a shoulder to cry on, not the other way around.

And well, I don't have many friends as you can see. Besides that, I have my mom and my husband. But let's not discount those two.I must admit they are pillars in my life right now.

Me and my husband are getting along better I believe. We are still fighting but less. He is more patient and understanding with me. He has been good to me lately. He still plays too much video games and getting time with him is tough but all in all it is better.

I just feel relatively friendless and mostly abandoned and misunderstood by the friends I have had for so long. Makes me feel like I am invisible to them, like none of them care. Hurts my feelings.

As for sleeping well, well not really. I sleep a lot but I don't feel like my sleep is very restful. I have cut way down on caffeine in the last two years and I barely ingest any. My doctor has prescribed sleeping medication but I hesitate to take it. I am already dealing with a new medication for my depression...

As for activities, I am really trying. I went out for a walk both yesterday and today and did the grocery.

But I am so tired all the time and my house is so cluttered and messy. And I feel so lame and fat and ugly. I am obsessing about parts of my body that I can't stand to the point that I feel like crying when I see my reflection. I am exhausted all the time. SO tired...My back hurts too but I keep forgetting to talk to my doctor because I am dealing with the meds thing. I just feel sad and tired. My doctor upped my meds.

I haven't been doing the program. I know I should.

Man, I feel like my support system has shrunk lately so I don't even talk too much to what is left so I don't overtax the ones who are still with me.

I guess I am just tired. I will go for a nap.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Diva,

Give yourself a break. Your friend isn't going to know anything unless you tell them how you are feeling. It is ok to have a bad day or two, but don't dwell, pick up and move forward. Use those techniques that help you relax and do some journaling to put things on paper.

Are you sleeping well? I know that you are sleeping a lot, but is it a rested sleep? Take the time to check with your doctor and push forward by getting to your class or even getting outside. The weather is getting better so this can help with activities, walks and stretches.

You have shown support to the members time and time again, how about letting us support you

Josie, Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Why would anyone care what I have to say... who cares what people like me have to say. Just a nerd and a dork, never was really popular or well integrated... who cares.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Today sucks. Friend of mine sends me a nice little e-mail telling me: No worries for sending him an e-mail! Lord but I feel misunderstood here! Since when did friends stop caring what friends had to say!

My mom cancelled our lunch. She had work though and she felt so bad. I told her not to feel bad and meant it. I guess I am just disappointed.

I just feel misunderstood and lonely and just Argh! Today I just hate things. I just feel like such a loser! I am a loser! Just a big fat lazy loser!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hi,

Am having a tough day. slept a lot. Slept so much I missed my belly dancing. Part of me feels ashamed because part of me feels relieved I missed it. Some of me feels sad I did. I have been eating badly. Hubby is doing ovetime. I am proud of him. I just feel awful today. So tired and isolated and bleh...

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hi,

Sorry I keep disappearing.

I am so tired. I still sleep a lot. I just all of a sudden feel fall down drunk tired. Then I need sleep. So I do. I have been gaining weight again, not that I need anymore. No wonder, I still eat as much but I sleep non-stop.

I feel really lonely a lot lately. The only people who make me feel less lonely is my mom and hubby. But I try not to burden them to much. My friends are to busy for me. Well, one of them isn't in all fairness. She makes time. But poor her so much crap is going on in her life, I leave my problems at home when I go see her and try to give her some room to vent with me. My other friends are all either too busy or too far. I also had a really good friend. He moved away. but we used to e-mail a lot. What did he answer to my last e-mail?: Wow. I felt like a total jackass. Like I had bothered him. I feel like there is so much I cannot tell my friends about myself. I am working really hard to figure things out for myself and about myself. I am cleaning the skeletons out of the closets so to speak. And I realized most of what I find out I can't share with them. Wow for an answer is what I get.

I have trouble bathing and showering again. Bad thing in this is I hate being dirty. A mix of anxiety and lack of energy is the cause. I eat mostly cereal until supper when my husband cook. Not healthy I know but at least I eat. I do try to get out once a day though. I don't always succeed but I try. I haven't been doing the program. I have no energy.

I haven't been posting because I feel like I have nothing good or useful to say and I feel like what I have to say is lame and depressing and makes me feel ashamed. I feel bad. I just do. I can be feeling fine and then bam! No energy. Or I feel fine and then Bam! I am stuck and lost in a dark pit. I feel moody. All over the place. I feel lame and no good.

Sorry for the rant.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 406

Diva,

You've had a busy day yesterday, take some time to rest and reflect on the fun you had (...congrats to your dad!). Wildcat has provided you with some good tips that'll hopefully bring your spirits back up and make you feel better ....give them a try. Members, have any other suggestions?

Karen, Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

hi diva,

for sinus problems a nice home remedy that reminds you of mom and vicks ... is eucalyptus. A bit of oil in some hot/steaming water to breath in and it help to clean up a bit an releave he pressure, so you get some rest.

I have those pot-pourri burners at home which I fill with water and a few drop of oil... so the room of the ill is filled with the oil fume. my kids love it. And Tiamat still loves to be rubbed with vicks or barkleys by papa

and wrapped in a polar fleece blankie with dolphins.

do you have your blankie?

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hi guys,

Well ok. I feel lame. I guess I am here for a dose of venting and whining and throwing myself a pity party... Sorry in advance.

I usually try to be as positive as I can but today I find it really difficult. I slept badly last night. I am tired, even more tired then usual and that is saying a lot. I am also sick. I felt a bit poorly last night but figured it would pass. Nope! Woke up with some kind of sinus cold. Thought it would quickly get better. Nope! Getting worse... My throat is starting to feel scratchy and I have had a few coughs... Mostly I am stuffed up or my nose is runny or both...I feel like my face is, I don't even know how it feels except that it feels bad. I know I am being a big baby. On top of it, mother nature came to call today. So I am bloaty, crampy, moody, either hungry or nauseous and completely hormonal... And yes, being a big baby again. Right now I just wanna cry, hold onto my teddy bears and my cats. Right now, I honestly just would like to have my mommy. I feel like a sad little girl who wants her mamma.

On top of it tonight is my husband's game night. This is his night where he has planned some event in his multi-player video games with like 25 other players and he will be completely unavailable till the wee hours of the night. So I am on my own for tonight. I mean, I can't bother him on nights like these, that is the deal. Bad timing on my part to get sick. I want my mommy...

Today, I walked back to the store. I returned the shirt my hubby didn't like. Then I bought him an extra pair of pants and an extra t-shirt since he liked them so much. I also bought him a nice chemical-free "green" non-stick ceramic frying-pan. Once I got to the counter I was so sick and exhausted and way too warm. The poor guys at the counter was a newbie and had trouble with the returns and everything. It took forever. But I made sue to be nice and patient and encouraging. It wasn't his fault. Then I realized I forgot my bank card at home...I felt so dumb. But I managed to pay with my already overcharged credit card... I felt so low. Then I grabbed my bags and lugged myself home. By then I was so exhausted I was walking like a drunk, could barely stand. On top of it we are having violent winds here. At one point I was almost toppled over. Once I got home I went to bed. And still, I had trouble falling asleep! My sinuses were hurting so bad. Then I slept some. I had take out for supper. I didn't feel up to cooking and my hubby doesn't cook on game nights. Now I feel yucky.

I am so exhausted and sad. I really hate this because I felt so good yesterday. I really felt like things were looking up and today I feel like I fell in a big black hole. I feel awful. I am so tired and sad. Nothing interests me, nothing seems to distract me. I can't sleep cause I feel ill but I want nothing except to sleep and cry. But I won't cry because I know nobody will be there to hold me and comfort me tonight if I do and I am too depressed to cry all alone...I felt so good yesterday. I hope this low mood is due to the fact I feel ill...

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Rosie,

I do see progress for myself. As for being an inspiration, well, thank you. This too shall pass gets me through , it does. Thank you for the reply! Your support means a lot to me.

WildCat,

Yes, I have decided to give my poor body a break and let it heal. Hard for me though, I keep wanting to beat myself up over it but I am working on that. I try to remind myself to treat myself as if I was my best friend.

And yeah, eventually I will have the energy to get to the CBT. I must admit I have been really delinquent in that area. But I do intend to get back to it.

And yes, having a good relationship with my doctor does help. Especially since I have had bad experiences in the past.

As for the balladi, too bad you didn't benefit from it. But the shows are nice aren't they? I started my balladi classes again yesterday. I was happy with myself. I didn't just talk about it I actually did it! I should leave it to the professionals but hey, I enjoyed it.

As for yoga, if all goes well I will start again tomorrow night. I do enjoy the fact that it is strength and stretching too. And the relaxation at the end feels nice.

As for the university stuff, yes I was put out and am happy that it is done at my end for now! All I do now is wait for answers and see who wants me as a doctoral student or not! And thanks for your prayers, i really do appreciate them! Thanks again for your replies WildCat, your support means so much to me. And I love how insightful you are and how you give me stuff to think about.

Hi guys,

Well I had a few rough days. Not anxiety wise so yay for that. Was the depression thing bleh. But then, Sunday we celebrated my dad's sixth year of surviving his stage 4 cancer. He is so brave and strong. I am so proud of him.

Then on Monday I rested (i.e. slept all day...). Then me and the hubby had a good evening.

And yesterday, well yesterday was a really good day. At the end of the day I was exhausted to the extreme but wow my day was worth the exhaustion. I went to lunch with my mom. Then I went to the mall BY MYSELF, way to go me! (Being my own cheerleader section here, sorry lol). I bought my hubby some new clothes for his great new job. He was happy with the clothes btw. I bought myself a shirt and some tennis shoes. Then I actually walked all the way home with my bags in hand lol. Then I went for my first belly dancing class in a long time. I was a bit nervous but it went well. And so I am really proud of my day.

Last night I went to bed early. Around 11 pm (that is early for me). I was real happy with myself. Then I woke up at 2H30 am... Was not a happy camper. Went back to bed at 4 am, woke up at 7h30 am... Got out of bed around nine. Although I am proud of being up I am not a happy camper. I am exhausted! But hey, what can you do. So I made myself a nice healthy breakfast a

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