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17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3046

Hi Breanne,

I've said many things before this issue and some during. But during the argument I did realize that I should have brought the issue he was angry about to his attention and not have handled it the way I did. I wasn't really thinking about it clearly, just wound up in my muddle of thoughts lately. I think I can blame my negative thinking on not handling the situation better. I did apologize for my mistake and for some things I said that I shouldn't have. But did not apologize for the points that were correct. I am better today and have listened to the CD's that I bought. They have given me hope and the mind set it is creating is the reason I am doing better. I hope I can keep the mind set.

Hi Sheba,

Thank you so much for your story about your Dad, it made me smile. Yes, I very much felt like that. I also heard what he was saying and must admit he did have his points. As I wrote to Breanne, I'm doing better today. I did voice my thoughts once I was good and angry. Hopefully he heard them. I really appreciate the ability to vent here, it helps. But the bigger help is having people who care enough to write comments, ideas, and questions. Thank you!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 185

PS. Obviously I tried talking with him first but, explaining him that it was not my life, that i heated to stay in the office ... no use...

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 185

Two or three years ago when my father was yelling at me bacause I dindn't quiet fit into the family business. the old thing that their are doing everything for me etc... in the first times I was yelling back with the result that for days we ended like strangers only to yell again... than I changed tactics... I know it sound strange but I adopted with him a dog training tactic (i hope he doesn't read this :D ) - every time he forgot the magic word "please" I was ignoring him totally - you know I was just closing the door.

I know that you are feeling just awful and you should make him understand that you deserve some respect. Every human beeing deserves respect.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Mom of 3,

It is awful that you feel that way. Have you told this to your husband? I don't think that he would like that he makes you feel like you are not worth his time. I'm so sorry to hear that you are upset, and I really think you need to communicate these feelings to your husband so he doesn't make you feel this way.

Stay strong mom of 3, we are here for you,

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3046

Hi All,

I'm back before I thought. As tired as I am and as hopeful as I was has been blown to bits by my husband yelling at me for something he did not like. Yes, I could have done it diferently and I really wasn't trying to do anything wrong or mean. I just messed up. Not like he's never done so, but I've never yelled at him.

I am pretty shaken and upset. Every time I become hopeful and feel like progress could be made I feel like I am kicked in the teeth. I just don't understand what it is that I have done to make him treat me like this. I want to make progress but it just doesn't seem to be.

I did get some CD's that have some really good positive messages to help me adjust my thoughts and help me get back to how I should be. Then something like this happens and I want to give up and die. I'm not going to but the thought is always lurking. It just doesn't seem like I am worth his time - no matter what I do

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3046

good evening ladies,

even in the best of relationships we break a few champaigne glasses... My chouette has been cleaning the basement for two days his way! Which means pushinging everything out of the way with a broom and then sorting through the skii-hill of junk. I sort through then place and throw out as I go along. One task at a time. As he gets fed-up of the hill he moves on to other tasks and randomly comes back and leaves...

But he does not think the same same way as I do. He places the shelving to create a big sorage square in the center of the basement - under the open stairs. I hate this space as all the dust, dirt, and UCK from the upstairs falls here so I use the shelves to block and hide the space. Chouette hung the winter coats Right under the first stair! The last two stairs have the extra - guess (emergency/illness) pillows. Out of the way and easy access!

Chouette if the kids throw-up at one am I will have to wash the dirt out of the pillows and put them into the HOT dryer for 90 minutes (2 hours) so we can get back to sleep ... quick! hence emergency-pillows.

Chouette, the density of your daughter's skull versus her grey matter is as thick as yours but ... if she plays princess at the Ball on the stairs and falls over the edge on the stairs to the cement floor she will get hurt! The wooden shelves will break her fall. There are lots of surfaces to catch onto and grab hold of... no I do not exagerate and see the worst of everything... I know your children ... Yes Your children ... Without You I would not have had them!

Then we had the dinner/supper drama. Tiamat served herself a plate of dry breakfast cereals as a HUGE snack. she has a bit of trouble with portions still, she is only 5. Well, Papa Chouttte threathed to throw out supper and cried out that no one appreciates all he does.... He Shoued his little girl out of the kitchen with the Plate of cereal with a "enjoy" your your plate and don,t ask for anything else this evening... So, reasonable me stepped in and put the cereal into a bowl and put it in the fridge near the milk for an easy breakfast. I told Papa that his Tiamat said she was hungry and he was too busy with the news to respond that supper would be ready at 7-2-8 and served at 7-3-9. So she thought she had time for a healthy snack as she is allowed. She did not put cereal all over as her older brother brother has done on the week-end and she has not whinned and complained. so, be happy she took some initiative to care fo herself!

Now the basement, chouette, we do work in the same way and we do not work together for a good reason. We would kill each other after a week. I love you. You can continue with your vision of things and you offered to revise the really impractical arrangements on the weekend. So shutt. this is the end of it before we argue out of childish fatigue at hurt each-others feelings.

and here i am at the computer

and there are the others tiamat playing with my beads and making a mess

and tiger and chouette watching tv

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3046

Hi Diva and Sheba,

Feeling a little better today. I really appreciate hearing from you both. I'm trying to believe it will get better, have to believe it. I'll keep you informed.

Didn't sleep well last night so really tired tonight and don't feel like writing much now.

Take care, both of you. You're very special

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Mom of 3,

I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. Yes some times are easier then others. As for having to hold ones tongue I know exactly how you feel. Yesterday I had a major blow up at my husband. To make up for it I arranged for him to go play pool with his buddy and that seemed to fix things. Oh and I did apologize too. At first I did not feel like apologizing because I figured I was not alone in getting the fight started. But then I thought that me and him not fighting atm would be what would make me happy. so I asked myself: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? So I made peace with the hubby and sent him out to play. Oh but I am rambling now.

I think all marriages require some kind of balance and thùat that balance is different for every marriage. I am still trying to get my bearing in my marriage. But I figure we will get there. Tonight is our firts therapy session. I hope it goes well.

Sorry to hear you ex husband was so bad and that you have troubles with your daughter still. Sorry that your husband is fed up with it too. But I do agree with Sheba, Hang in there, bad days can get better.

And how are you today? Hope to get news from you soon.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 185

I'm really sorry to hear that you are not doing so well.

Hang in there! Bad days eventually end :)

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3046

Hi Diva,

Thank you for your reply. Not doing great at the moment, I am trying to keep it together but it's difficult. Sometimes are easier than others. I'm really irritated sometimes and it takes all my strength to bite my tongue and not get upset. I'm trying not to get to the place where I blow up over something.

I'm thinking that I need to decide what is the correct balance of interest but not make it seem like I'm accusing him of something. I also need to find a balance of how to voice my needs and opinions without being emotional/upset. He seems to be irritated because I'm "always" upset about something. In some ways this is true. My ex-husband did nothing but make trouble with the girls growing up. He's emotionally abusive and the girls have fallen into that and went along with him. The daughter giving me problems is a copy of him and has given me problems. Now my husband is fed up and I've got this to deal with. I would like to see real progress to no upset but it isn't happening yet. I guess if it has to take awhile and I can someday have some happiness I'll do what it takes.

Just very tired tonight and not feeling optimistic by any means. (Fighting negativity at every turn today and no real tangible reason for it - just my mood) Signing off tonight, many things to do and tired)

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One step forward, twenty back