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Why does this have to be so hard?

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Why does this have to be so hard?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 56

Mom:

The phone! That's so resourceful, I wouldn't have thought of that. Glad the idea helped.

Ava

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Mom of 3,

You definitely are working in the right direction. Don't worry, you'll get there,

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Thanks Breanne,

I'm trying to hang in there but I must admit that there are many negative thoughts in my head. It takes all my will power sometimes because some of the things I think up could be true, but since there is no solid proof of these things being true I have to question their validity. I can be quite catastrophic at times and then I mess up because I panic. It's so obvious to my husband. No wonder he gets angry with it.

It means a lot to me that you think I'm working in the correct direction.

Thanks again,

Mom of 3

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Mom of 3, hang in there. It sounds like you are able to view your relationship from all angles and that you are able to see what you need to work on. I know the communication is somewhat flawed with you and your husband, but at least you two are trying.

I know a great success story is right around the corner!

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Checked my phone and I have notepad on there which will work until I get a dictaphone to use. I really appreciate the suggestion Ava. (I guess I don't think about technology as much as I thought I did!)

Mom of 3

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Danielle,

We have and we haven't discussed it. He believes he has repeatedly discussed it with me, but it came in the form of critisism without any suggestions. I was so caught up in the drama that my daughter was creating that I related iwhat he was saying to his displeasure with that drama. It was only when we went to my other daughter's wedding and he was not himself at all that I realized how much everything had affected him. Yes, I had taken him for granted!

We talk in short bursts about these things, my feeling is that he expects me to get it together. He really has put alot of effort into me and the children. I also feel like my efforts should be greater than his at this point, so I understand his feelings. I am trying to do so but just like last night I had to remind him that his distance puts me in a bad place and makes it hard for me not to overreact because I am not able to control my negative thoughts about everything. All the while I understand that a depressed person is not the easiest person to deal with. SO... I know that he understands what I said and I think that he needed to hear my feelings too. I feel very tested, like sometimes he's setting me up to see what I'll do. I know him and I understand it's not to be mean to me, it's for him to gauge where I'm at emotionally. And I think a part of him likes me being on edge about us for a change.

Thanks for letting me vent again, I'm hoping to get a success story to post, but that may be down the road a bit.

Mom of 3

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Great idea Ava. A dictaphone is a great way to capture your thoughts and be able to reflect upon them at a later time.

Mom of 3, how are you feeling? Communication is so important, and it seems that both you and your husband are making an effort. Have you two talked about how you can work together on you feeling like you are overreacting?

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Thanks Ava,

I am really in need of adjustment and feel like I'm grabbing for hope wherever I can. I realize that I haven't been exactly attentive to my marriage given all the other stressors crowding in. I feel such a sense of urgency to make up for the lost time that panic sets in easily.

Your idea of a dictaphone is excellent. I even think my phone may work, I could leave drafts or VM so I could review at the end of the day! It may even have a recorder type feature, I'll check this out!

Thanks!

Mom of 3

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 56

Mom:

What about if you got one of those dictaphone things? The digital recorder thngies, and carried it in your purse or had it handy? That way you could quickly say how you're feeling at a particular time, what was happening etc., and then turn it off but have a good record to go back to at the end of the day?

Otherwise, I know I didn't keep track of every hour when I started, but the process still seemed to help. I don't think you can do it wrong, so long as you're getting some things down on paper where you can reflect on them.

As for communications... oy! That's like lesson 16 or something and you're already dealing with it, so at least pat yourself on the back for that much. It's the hardest part of the whole program I think and while I can see the difference it makes, it's hard to find two people, both in a perfect place of adjustment and balance, to have a perfect conversation. I guess all we can do is learn to do it a little better with time, and if those slight, minor, microscopic in some cases, adjustments happen, then that is one more (microscopic) new skill I can add to my list of resources.

Good luck with the thought records and communications,

Ava

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

After my post we talked a little and he says that everything he does is "under a microscope". I can't deny that but he doesn't seem to realize that I also feel that way. I told him that he must realize that under the circumstances I am not in the best place and yes deviations from what has been "normal" behavior causes me to question (overreact in most cases and it is showing)

He doesn't seem to realize that he does the same to me. I am questioned constantly about why I do or don't do something he expects and is a deviation from "normal". We are both a little too sensitive and need to be able to back off. I am trying but am not making it. This comes from my inability to keep the negative and often irrational out of my head.

I'm not far in the lessons, it keeps saying that you have to track your emotions and rate them on a scale, but I am finding the actual writing down part extremely difficult. I journal usually at the end of my day and have tracked my emotions that way, but there is not a way for me to keep constant track of them. And right now I don't have much of a flux in emotion, it's rarely in a good zone. It only goes in that direction when my husband and I are connecting, which does happen a little more than when I began here.

Mom of 3

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Why does this have to be so hard?