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Hi wildcat
Is this new group helping you at all? The idea is a great one, but the reality seems to be creating a lot of aggravation for you.
[i]...my psychologist refered me. She thinks that I will gain more insight and understanding by observing how others experience bipolar disorder. [/i]
I suppose that the group should settle down somewhat, now that there won't be anymore new people joining, and it may become more helpful over time, but if it's really just another load for you to carry... ? I think that perhaps you're carrying enough loads already?
week three ... and I left in a dangerous state ... I was mad :mad:
I held on to control by the skin of my teeth; I was even ready to punish the car... it would not stop shaking on the bumps, I wanted to tire the car by going too fast. At stops and light I wanted to hurt the car so I continued to press the break peddle to the floor while stopped. I yelled with the songs on the radio.
The discussion time was focused on suicide. I responded to someone's question about hypersensitivity and learning to put up a limit between myself and others so sympathy does no longer become empathy.
At the end I shared my week. Valentines week spent with too much presence! many were depressed with solitude. I am too surrounded and too pressed upon with the demands of people at work and the demands of my family. Everyone is a parasite ... taking my time, my energy, my resources for their needs!!! and nothing is felt for me, my projects, my desires. And I got the simple answer find a room to hide in, and put a lock on it. I said I wanted to take my next pay cheque, and install myself in a reclusive convent in Brazil. I get put a lock on the bathroom door. My daughter has the motor tic and explosive temper of touretts symdrome. My husband is sick and my son has major problems at school... and put a lock on my bathroom door.
WELL THE LOT OF THEM AND THEIR WHINNING. solitude solitude. want a simple solution, take language classes and you get to talk to a bunch of people. simple solutions. serve meals at a homeless shelter and there are a bunch of people who will be happy for your time.
:eg: :eg: :eg:
week two ... new people are still admitted till week three... and the group is to remain as such for 9 weeks.
Oh, it was so difficult this week. One gentleman is an aidant-naturelle and is in the same crisis I was in three years ago, saving the world and about to crash. Another woman has had the health-care system betray her cruelly and was in a state of panic.
These emotions were difficult for me, I wanted to take charge of these people, help them get everything right. And I can't. I have seen them only 90 minutes and it is not my learning they need. It is not my situation they are living...
The others were just as difficult for me. Some are learning what the disorder is (like me) others are coming to terms they have an illness and that psych meds do not do over-nite miracles. Most have no idea what they are taking, why, and even how they can max their meds...
The facilitator is there as a time keeper and it is annoying. or maybe that is just the left-over agression from last-week's manic episode.
I did not really particiate in an exchange. I did not recognise any sign that I was encouraged to give an idea... i did not see an opportunity. I did not really have the time to put together a real good thought before it became irrelavent.
Wildcat,
Thanks for sharing what letting go means to you. Letting go is a difficult thing to do. Maybe some of our other members could share with us what it means to let go.
Brenna, Bilingual Health Educator
hi Sylvie.
I would never dream of leaving, especially after only 105 minutes. :gasp:
I sometimes drag negative emotions/impressions with me for a while so I have to work hard this week to let go of the disappointment. I think that was the point of my post... I was able to express something (something spontanious) and now that it has some "reality" I can work at letting go.
Letting Go! (for me)
1 - see that you are holding something.
2 - release grip
3 - watch it go / push away.
wildcat,
You should hang in there and give it a shot, even if it's not exactly what you were expecting. With time you may gain from the program.
Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator
the group is not exactly what I was looking forward to... It is not an exchange of information and then a discussion. It is all discussion.
I was hoping for coping skills. I was hoping for facts, details, ... I was hoping for control.
hi gang,
I start a new group tonight for 12 weeks! I usually go to a group for anxiety disorders but I am starting one for bipolar disorder. my psychologist refered me. She thinks that I will gain more insight and understanding by observing how others experience bipolar disorder.
I want to stay home tonight. My throat hurts. I took a "power-nap" and am still exhausted. I slept and slept on the week-end and still need more - so driving to this unknow place to see a bunch of strangers is not easy. Will they already know each-other from other group activites at this place?? will they have their circles established and I be the distruption?? Will I be the baby that needs to dragged along, understanding nothing but whinning and whaling???
It is a good thing!
It is just something NEW. I do not do new very well.
I'll let you all know how it went tomorrow.
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