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Challenging Worry

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-04-20 11:42 PM

Depression Community

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Hello

Linda Q

2024-04-11 5:06 AM

Anxiety Community

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Addiction

Ashley -> Health Educator

2024-04-08 3:54 PM

Managing Drinking Community

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12 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
staying at home

Rowsie... I am so sorry you have to struggle with this decision.  Whatever you decide... you need to agree with yourself that it is the right thing to do.  It sounds like you really want to stay home with your kids and you are financially able to do so. Why would it be wrong to stay home?

 I stayed home with my children... and was out of sync with my peers even then (1980's) .... everybody worked and if you stayed home you were too incompetent to hold a "real" job.  Things haven't changed much.... sad to say.  I take care of my daughter's children because she needs to work... both financially and for the mental/emotional stimulation.  That's what she needs to do and she knows it is fortunate that I choose to care for the children in her stead. 

If I had it to do over.... I would choose staying home.  Before children I worked as a paralegal assistant and later when my children were older, I worked as a library paraprofessional.... now, I am home with the grandkids.  It all works out... if only you can trust yourself and believe that what you are doing is worthwhile.  People ask me how I can stand bbsitting at my age... it is really exhausting!.... but I always say... and do truly believe, that there is nothing more important for me to be doing,  than taking care of these children.

Just my focus... and perhaps yours.  Whether you work outside the home or in the home. the trick to making it work is to value yourself and whatever it is that you choose to do.  Either way.... these things do work out.   Trust yourself.
12 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Off Track

I'm glad we can support each other while trying to get through this session 8... any words of wisdom regarding how to do this from the "oldtimers" as well as the health educators...?   Tell me, why is facing our core beliefs so scary.... so discombobulating... so difficult???  What is the benefit to actually processing through all this shuff?  What's the point??????
12 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
How to deal with stress?

Vincenza... these are great tips... it all comes down to keeping balance in your life... yes?  I've gotten so far off balance I don't really know how to get back up again.  Posting is one way.  I've been isolating and that doesn't help any.  What causes me the most stress right now is ME and my dumb "issues".  No matter how hard I try I can't seem to avoid myself... I tried calling but apparently that isn't acceptable... sigh... I do need to get back to walking and I do have a friend I could meet for lunch.  I will try those things.  Good reminders.  Thanks.
12 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Session 2 Pleasent Activities

Hi Alexandra... I do experience something similar.  When I manage to do something that lifts me out of my depression for even a little while.... it is sooooooooo disappointing that once the positive experience/distraction is over.... I'm still depressed.  Only it feels worse because for one moment I got to feel better  and whenever I feel better I immediately go into denial about the depression.  Something like that.  I don't know how to explain it.  It happens though.  It surely does happen and I don't know how to take the positive and keep it going.... 
12 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Off Track

Ashley, you wrote:

Challenging core belief is hard. Also, change is hard and add facing painful things to the mix makes it that much harder!  It is normal to feel overwhelmed when trying to change the way you think.
This is a good reminder... you would think I'd remember this by now.  Reassurance helps calm the frustration!
 The program is great because it helps you to break down this larger goal (changing how you think) into smaller, more manageable steps. This in itself is motivating.
Another excellent reminder... I need to try to figure out what my goal is and ask for help breaking it down.  I'm just not sure what my goal is.
 But there are other ways to feel more motivated as well.  One big one thing that we talk about a lot here but I feel many members overlook is rewarding yourself.  Each and every step you take towards challenging a negative core belief is something to be proud of.  Really acknowledge this! I have seen many of you come leaps and bounds since when you first came.  Do you know how amazing this is?  Celebrate it .  Do what you need to do to be present to each goal you achieve and how far you have already come. Set up rewards plan with big rewards for the bigger goals. How can you celebrate?  
Totally corny but... being reminded of the progress made is quite the reward... "amazing"?!   
Another way o increase motivation is to focus on the positives of challenging thoughts and not how hard it is.  Whenever you catch yourself thinking "this is hard" stop and refocus.  Sid (red), you have already mentioned many reasons why challenging your negative thoughts is so important.  This is a great step.  Write down your reasons why it is important and try to think of even more reasons.  Try to think of the feelings that goes along with these reasons too.  One great way to get more reasons is to pick one reason and then ask yourself, "What does this give me that I don't already have?" You can ask yourself this question 100 times and go deeper and deeper.  Once you have your list, keep it handy and pull it out when you are feeling unmotivated.
12 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Off Track

shoot... my reply got cut off... too long.  sorry.
12 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Off Track

I do feel unmotivated because it hurts and it's hard and those thoughts are hard to change and whine, whine, whine...  OK, I'll try a little more positive... I want to do this work because it will remove the emotional thorn that holds my soul down in the darkness.  Eww... not very uplifting.  How do I turn that motivation into a positive one?

What are some other ways to motivate yourself?
 I have no idea.
What has challenging your thoughts already brought to your life?
 Now this I can answer in a positive way because truly.... challenging my thoughts, as I've learned to do working this program, has made all the difference in my life.  It has taken away so much fear... to just face this stuff down and question it... question everything... it takes all the power away from the fear...
What can challenging your thoughts bring to your life? 
 FREEDOM !
Sorry for the long winded post but you get me going on how to get motivated and it's hard to stop me...I guess it's a Life Coach thing 
We appreciate it...

12 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Lost Friend

Way to go Rowsie! You inspired me to contact a friend I haven't seen in a long while... we are going to meet for lunch sometime this week.  I need to give her a day and not chicken out.  I'll come back and read of your success again and again if I have to, until I actually follow through.  
12 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Session 2 Pleasent Activities

good advice... thank you Rowsie.  Too often I forget all about writing down the positives. 
12 years ago 0 1022 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Core Belief Number One

OK... I'm no expert on this core belief stuff... I'm still struggling to understand.  One thing I've noticed is that what I think is a core belief ... is not really a core belief but a collection of thoughts I have based on a deeper core belief.  This is hard to explain and I hope the heath educators will step in clarify or correct as needed.  It's just that as I read of your confusion with the conflicting beliefs.... I just get the sense that the true core belief is underneath the confusion... it goes deeper... it is causing the mixed feelings.

For example... I thought one of my core beliefs was that everyone else deserved to have their needs met by me... their problems fixed by me...that everyone else was more important than me and my role was to support them.  So I questioned...Why?  Why did I believe that to be true? Going deeper....  I discovered ... a belief that I was the cause, the originator of their pain... I found a lot of shame... and who knows what else will show up :/ Like you said in another post... the fear of what I would find was way worse than just doing the finding  although neither is much fun... the finding can bring freedom.

Anyway... I hope you will keep posting what you are discovering for yourself.  Every bit of experience and information is helpful to the rest of us.  Sigh.  What a journey!


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