ok... so the timing isn't up to me... i have no control over the universe or even my small corner of the world. Unwittingly asked another question of dh... one I thought was caring, at which he took offense because he took it as judgmental. I back-peddled and told him of my concern. Too late. The anger and hurt grew.
From the lesson on relationship communication styles I read that mind reading fallout happens when needs are not being met and assumptions are made that the other person is only looking after their own needs & is unhappy in the relationship. (I think dh and I both do this). That's a whole lot of misunderstanding happening during empty space... during silence....
a lot of effort wasted looking between the lines.
Here is a good example... I'm always telling the health educators that their questions are annoying. What I don't say is that I find them annoying because they make me think... think hard... think differently... the questions challenge me to go beyond my assumptions... go beyond my comfort zone. What I don't say is that I, in fact, welcome these questions.... and am grateful to be thus challenged. Telling someone they are annoying is a good way to put them on the defensive... to "pull" a hostile response from them. (fortunately for me... these are trained professionals I've been insulting!)
I'm sorry that I have communicated negativity where it was not meant. I guess I was trying to be funny :/ I welcome your questions... your challenges. I do. Thank you for your patience with me. Your insight and prodding is much appreciated.
I hope I can translate this into more effective communication with dh and others.
So how do we deal with the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks? Just thinking about it raises fear and panic and presses hard on already present depression. Trying to avoid thinking about it isn't really working and seems disrespectful anyway. It may have happened in the US, but it impacted the whole world. How should we deal with this? How do we deal with this in a healthy way?
Welcome Baye... I'm glad you are here... love your kitty pics :o) I'm sorry you are having to struggle so much right now. I'm glad you found us and appreciate the honesty and effort of your posts. This CBT training takes time (and patience), but it does work if you want it to. You seem to be very focused and determined. Hang in there. Keep posting... venting... asking questions... working on the lessons. We are here for you.
Sounds like a really, really, really frustrating day... it is hard to work through pain and scary to feel you are not performing to your usual standards. Please be gentle with yourself. "Brow beating" yourself just makes the brain hurt and memory functions hide in fear... kind of like a scared child. That's how I see it anyway... helps me to remember to be kind to myself when I'm having an off day or week or month What do you do for self-care when you are feeling so badly?
Thank you Strength... I always can use a a word of encouragement. It is great to hear from someone who has been around for awhile. Would you tell us what you found most helpful on this site? How did you make it work for you? How can we?!
I don't think this is stupid at all... well, that's not true... I thought it quite stupid and frustrating and shameful when I did the same I just don't think that of your efforts... nor would I of anyone trying to move out of their comfort zone. Double standard there. I'm good at that.
Anyway... my dumb story. I wanted to sell some of my artwork at the local Farmer's Market, but had to have a tax ID number before doing so. I went down to the government business office and registered my "business" with a name and mission statement and everything. I really believed I could do it... for about the amount of time it took to register. I made one effort to sell and was so overwhelmed with shame and humiliation that I stopped creating anything for a good long while. I still have to file my business tax statement quarterly. Talk about stupid. Instead of an out-of-business notice, I need to post a never-had-and-never-will-have-business notice. This has been going on for several years... ok... six
Depression is so... depressing... it just sucks all the life out of me and makes everything ... everything so hard. It creeps up less often now, but when I let down my guard or get distracted... there it is... my always loyal and ever present companion. It is something I can count on. So.... one of the things I've learned here about dealing with it is to accept that it is real and present... kind of honoring it in a way... respecting the power of it. I cannot make it go away... there is good reason for it to be there/here ... physical, chemical, relational, historical... it just is.
One way to deal with it is to bury my depression fed negative thoughts with positive thoughts. It doesn't change the reality of the negative. But, it CAN bury those suckers so they have a harder time surfacing and I have a harder time finding them. This phenomenon of burying the negative has been explored by Davit on the Panic Site (he explains it way better than I do, BTW... worth checking out).
Sooooooooooooo one way I can bury the negative is by focusing on the things for which I have gratitude. Long explanation to get to the point I wanted to share ...
Ack! Now, I've lost my train of thought... but it had something to do with gratitude. I'll come back to it... baby is here... gotta go <sigh>
I guess I was just saying that gratitude is one of those things that can help bury the negative. The other day we finally got some much needed rain and I happened to glance out the window in time to catch a glimpse of a bright and beautiful double rainbow. Took my breath away and my mind off my sadness for awhile. Still does when I think about it. I'm grateful for that.
Today I am so very grateful that my grandbaby is napping... yay! and that it is Friday! It's the little things....
I've been several times and whether or not it helps depends on the program, the nurses, the doctors... a three day visit doesn't really accomplish much except maybe get meds stabilized. Not wanting to live is about wanting the pain to stop... sometimes we just need a time out (vacation or retreat). It really is up to you... If you feel a danger to yourself and unable to control your impulses... definitely go. Otherwise, do consider some alternatives... maybe seeing a pdoc or a counselor for evaluation. We are here to listen if you want to share. Do check back and keep us posted. You will be in my thoughts today....
It’s been a while since you were active on this site. Please extend your session below
You have been logged out due to inactivity.
Please sign back in.
We use cookies to help us learn about how our platform is used and how we can improve your experience. To
learn more please see our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
What do you do for self-care when you are feeling so badly? 
