Hello scaredyke,

 

Welcome to the support group.  This is a great program and all the people here are very supportive and caring.  I am a very reclusive person and working on this program is helping me to deal with my anxiety and ptsd.  I have come out of my shell some since I started less than a month ago.  Get started working the program and the rest will come later.  Post when you feel you are ready to.  I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Red

I have been working on the program for 2 or 3 wks now.  I can see that I have a long way to go but I also understand it took me a long time to get like I am now.  I am beginning to understand where some of my problems come from and am now starting to challenge my anxious and negative thoughts.  I am not sure how to deal with the ptsd which plays into the agoraphobia and hyper vigilance.  I do feel I am moving in the right direction and that I need to stay the course and not let my fears get to me and stop me from working the program.  I need to stop avoiding these issues I have.  I am really good at avoidance and running I have got that mastered.   Getting well is going to be a hard job and I am going to have to force myself to face my fears.  It is something I have to do if I want to find any happiness and peace in my life.   I know it will be worth it in the End.    Maybe I can get this mastered too, with the help of this program,the educators and everyone in the support group the odds are in my favor.  I look forward to getting well!!!

Ashley!

 

First of all I want to thank you for suggestioning that I come over to the panic center.   I was afraid to do but here I am doing it and I am glad I did.  That was the first anxious thought that I challenged and its going pretty good.  I took your suggestion to make a pledge which I have done on this site.  I did some exposure work on my trip to the desert and then I came back and made another pledge went on another trip to the desert and started challenging my anxious and negative thoughts and was able to sit and visit with some women on my trip and even when out to dinner with 2 other couples which is something I have never done before.  It went great and I fit in and had a really good time. What a pleasant surprise.  You can read all the details on the post for pledges.  Anyway I came home and was having a hard time being here at home and couldn't leave the house so I started reading the program again and reread a lot of stuff and it started to make sense to me.  I thought a lot about my reasons for not leaving the house and used the 10 question list and started challenging my reasons.  I knew I just had to leave if I wanted to get better so after I posted  the previous post I got dressed and left the house alone around 4pm and went to the mall to do some exposure work I walked for 30 min and that wasn't  enough so I went for another 30 minutes and I started to feel better.  I calmed down and relaxed , I went home and I then went out to eat in a noisy restaurant and in 30 minutes I was relaxed and did not have to run out of the restaurant.  I have been afraid to leave because of what I went through taking care of my husband when he was sick with the ptsd and dementia.  I had to be home 24 hrs a day after he started lighting matches and throwing them on the rug and lots of other horrible stuff.  I will spare you the details.  Anyway I left the house today and nothing bad happened, no one died and the house didn't burn down. I feel I am making real progress.   I know this is a long post but I am very excited and  wanted to share the this good news with you.  Now all I have to do is stick with program and not let the fear get to me and do it all over again.  This is a tall order and I know I will have to make myself do it.   I feel that I can do this with all of the help and support that I get here from everyone.   I  really do want to get well.   Thank you Ashley for leading my down the right path.

 

Red

Davit!

 

I want to thank you for believing in me and encouraging me to move forward.  I will never forget the support you have given me.

 

Semper fi

 

Red

Ashley,

 

It was scary yet very exciting and exhilarating at the same time.  I actually feel like I am finally going to be able to put the anxiety and ptsd behind me in time with a lot of hard work and determination on my part.  I have gone through some really tuff stuff in my life but now I feel that I am going to be able to take control of my life again.  I have always been able to be there for the people in my life but was unable to love and nurture myself.  I was thinking while I was out working the program, that I have always been strong for everyone else and that if I could get through all that stuff  that I should  at least be able to do the same thing for me.  I went out yesterday to the pool and survived and it was beautiful and I felt Wonderful and Alive and Free.  I have not had any panic type ptsd dreams waking me up for 7 days now and  have started to finally feel a little rested and more at ease.  It was great sleeping without having to be on duty all night in my dreams.  I want to thank you for saying that this progress is a big deal cause I think it is a great big deal too. I also want to thank you for celebrating in this victory with me.  I am very proud of myself for making it this far, it took a lot of courage but you know what, I am worth it.  I do have to tell myself that this is what I need to do everyday, work the program if I want to get well and survive.  It is the quality of My life that matters now.   I can not let the fear get to me and keep me from moving forward.  I am getting better and I must persevere.

 

Till next time,

 

Red

Congratulations James,

 

It's so good to hear that the meds are working for you that you are well. I hope this inspires others to start working the program.   I myself am not using meds but for the people that they help I think it is wonderful.

 

 

Red

Teebs,

 

I am not sure how to answer being that I am kind of new to this program.  But I found that when I was walking in a large crowd that after about 30 min. I sat down for a few minutes and took something out of my purse and read it and let myself relax for a few minutes, then I got up and did another 30 minutes of my exposure till I was calm and not bothered by the crowd any more.  I do the reverse when I am visiting with people sometimes I excuse myself and go out side for a few minutes walk to my car or what ever and come back and resume the visit.  Anticipatory fear well that is a tuff one for me. I find if I take it in small steps I do better.  Like try to focus only one thing at a time. 1. Get dressed and ready to leave       2.Get into the car  3. drive to location  4. get out of car  5. Take a deep breath and release it. 6. Than go in to face the lions.  It may take me all day to leave, sometimes I don't make it but I keep  on trying .  I have not been able to make any plans very far into the future.   I do not know if this helps you or not.  I am sure some of the members with more experience can help you more than I can.  Ashleys, Ladybirds and Davit's ideas are excellent and I am going to give them a try myself.

 

Good luck on your journey

 

Red

Well I received a summons for jury duty yesterday.  I am very anxious about this and am obsessing about it. I have  always been able to get out of jury duty before but have no excuse this time.  I am worried that I will not be able to get their on time due to my anxiety. I am worried about all the personal questions they will ask me during the selection process which could bring up unpleasant memories etc. etc.  My date to appear is March 3,2010.  I really feel that I have already done my duty to my country and really don't like being forced to do this.  Anyway last night the anxiety dreams started up again and I was with my family and the demands were being made on me again to take care of everyone and of course I had to put myself on the back burner again.  I was camping in this dream and what is strange is that I do have ptsd dreams about taking care of my husband and family members even while I am camping, and they have all passed away now and don't need me to take care of them any more.  I wonder if this will ever end.     I was doing so well and making real progress and I have to put myself on the back burner again because of this jury duty.   Does anyone have any ideas how I can stay focused on the program while I am waiting to do my jury duty and not obsess over it with anxiety and let consume my thoughts?  Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated.

 

Red

Davit,

 

Thanks for the response!   Yes you can get out of jury duty for medical reasons but they have made it a lot harder to do.  If you are under 70 years old who have to get a written statement from your Dr. to be permanently excused from jury duty now.

I don't want to go to my doctor and explain this all to him. He is a Dr. of internal medical not a psych.  I don't have  a psych I've been down that road before and all that psychs in the states do now is put everyone on drugs they don't do therapy.   If you want  therapy you have to find a psychologist or counselor for that.  I contacted the veteran center here in 2003 and the said they couldn't help me because my husband the veteran had now died and their was no money put aside to help me.  They did look for a therapist outside of Veterans affairs that used to work with ptsd and could not find anyone who was willing to take on a window of a veteran dealing with transference ptsd.  So no I can't get excused from jury duty and now I guess I just have to do my duty again to this county. Thats if I don't want to be charged with contempt and put in jail.  I was deserted by my country and now they want more from me. I am sorry I am ranting and raving today it is not directed at you.  I am just upset about all this.  

Anyway I like your idea about turning this into exposure therapy and trying to make a positive out of the situation.  I am planning to go to the court house before my jury duty date and get myself used to the building and metal detectors and getting their on time.  I hope they don't mess me up asking me personal questions about my past but their is nothing I can do about that.  I do think this will help me deal with the anxious and panic feelings I am having with this situation.  I have a little over a month to get this done.   In the mean time I want to continue to work on me and getting better and enjoying my life. 

Thanks for listening and being there.

 

Semper Fi

 

Red

Davit,

 

  You are definitely a true friend and not just a fair weather friend.  We are very lucky to have you here with us on this site to help us through the thick and the thin.  You are truly a special person don't you ever forget it.  I will never forget your friendship and support and want to thank you again.

 

Red