ElizabethRRRR---I read about your fall the other night and all the details leading up to it. Your posts were like a mirror to my life lately. I had a huge "melt down" as my husband calls it in May and gave up drinking anything.....then went on vacation at the end of June and decided it would be ok just on vacation.....came back from vacation and kept on going with one bad day a week. Until Sunday night and I was a mess. I've tried and tried and just keep failing. I feel that this time might be different because i am just so tired. It felt great to not have it hanging over my head but the regret for what i have put my family and friends through is crippling. Anyway ElizabethRRRR thank you for your posts. I am hoping to find my way to a good place. I am glad i found this site. Hope it works.
Hi Everyone! I am new to this site. I am trying it to go through the program and hope this works for me. I have been having episodes about once a week. I don't drink every day but when i do i binge and it ends up badly. I am trying to fingure out my triggers and how to stop them or control them. I do know that one thing that triggers me is trying to control the situation and the feeling that I can be a normal drinker. I don't see that happening for me ever. And i'm finally ok with that. I am different. Its ok. ANyway, i hope to find peace and help here.
Thank everyone for the kind words. I've tried to talk myself into drinking for the last two days but haven't. I think I was even planning this morning but my husband called and the thought left me. I've always told myself that if I can just make it 14 days I'll have it under control. Then next thing I'm digging out Vermouth or cooking sherry and convincing myself it goes w diet coke! Or buying wine during grocery shopping and thinking oh I'm ok now. Well as u guys have said that the time of having one is gone. I am a pro at closet drinking and slipping out of the room while others watch tv. I don't want to binge and drag everyone down with me (like I do every time) I can't start it. I just wish my husband would stop treating me like a prisoner. I can't go by myself anywhere. He's doing it because he loves me but it's making me mad and then THAT makes me want to drink! Then I'm drunk and mad or drunk and weepy or thinking everyone should leave and leave me to be destructive . Tomorrow is always difficult . I do a beer tasting show.
Yes TS -- to clarify---once a week brew show part. I do announcing for a show like that one day a week. It's hard to be around it. Not the alcohol so much as the 'fun ' everyone's having without me is what's hard. I don't sample no but sniff it, describe it...,
Yes hyper vigilant is the right description. They are checking on me if I'm out of the room to long and I'm not allowed to go to the store alone, I think I like the idea of being all ' AF is not a problem'! They need to be at ease. To not look over their shoulder about my stupidity.
Stress and more stress around here. I have an ill parent too. My mom is a trigger for me....but I made it without drinking through a visit and feel great about that's. I've been doing some deep breathing but maybe add yoga to it? I am eating a bunch more though. Like I'm compensating . Sugar I crave it. Weird.
Rob--that's it totally. My drinking has effected others lives in ways I can't imagine. They are waiting for the bottom to drop out.
Triggers...everyone has them. I'm finding if I journal about it I'm discovering them.
We aren't different from others with problems/phobias true but I think of it as an allergy of sorts or a cancer. It's hard to get my family to understand that.
Thanks Josie for your kind words. It's been a long day! I've been kind of short w everyone. Trying to remind myself they love me and think they are helpful. I probably do need the accountability from them just hard to accept.
I have had sore swollen hand joints for like three yrs and didn't know why! I never thought it would be related to drinking! It is better but I'm alway thirsty! And irritable. Feel like a rope coming undone....frayed. Been taking herbs to help.
How long does the irritability last? I keep thinking....well I'm so hateful I might as well drink at least then I'm nice. But I'm not nice when I drink....I'm scary! So back to my question....how long does this last? I hate it.
I'm new to this site also--everyone is very nice and wise. Your story sounds a lot like mine. My husband has been saying slow down...stop....take control for a long time. I think I had to hit bottom and make the decision myself to finally get better. And it's a daily struggle. BUT things are looking up. Take care of yourself and know we are here. It's a better life to live without alcohol.
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