Keep your head up .. feeling bad about the past is the worst. I find that I have to use all the tools here along with help I am getting from a counselor.. I was never big on AA meetings but everyone is different, I say IF you really are ready and want to quit then use this site A LOT and get help in your city. Stick to it and don't give up there is help for all of us but its up to us to find it. Good Luck and I have you and your family in my prayers.