Quote "The self that was killing me. The self that was convinced that no one understood".
What you are stating is from your mind and your true self is beyond mind. Eckhart calls it pure consciousness, awareness. What you have tapped into is that dimension where You are able to dis-associate all the crap the mind concorts. That is awakening.
This conscienceness is like a swinging pendulum. Intially we are aware of this state fewer times but as a we grow spritiaully, we get to stay conscious more times.
The whole book Power of Now is to help you go beyond your mind and stay there forever.
Here is something I was thinking about today...it probably doesn't belong in success stories but, I didn't know where to put it. I am grateful that I had space from myself. The self that was killing me. The self that was convinced that no one understood. Last year was one of the most difficult years of my life. I am glad I had it because it has taught me that I am a survivor and that I don't need to live in paranoid fear of someone smelling my breath or doing something stupid or my kids being disappointed in me or waking up and thinking omg what did I do??!! Or having to have that weepy discussion with my husband/kids/parents/friends. NOW--I can live outloud so to speak. I can live in the now and not beat myself up---(don't get me wrong I still have moments when I remember something I did and want to crawl in a hole or it makes my heart hurt to think about) but, I don't obsess over it now. I realize that drinking is not fun. I'm not missing anything. They are still making more booze and it'll always be there should I feel the need for a binge. I think that yes, it's hard in the beginning. Our brain is trying to talk us back into giving it what it wants but, doesn't need at all. Once we live here and enjoy life and embrace all that is there and have the bonds we can feel without alcohol well that's better than any binge. That feeling of closeness that we can get with our family when we are truely 100% in the moment and in life with them is the best feeling ever!
So there is a success in this, I guess....just had to think outloud to get to it. Hope you all have a great day! Hang in there and be kind to yourself!
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