Hi ND,
You sooo deserve to be proud of yourself! It would have been so easy to give in but you stopped and recognized it for what your urge was...history. You knew that it was simply your AV beckoning and you shut it down...well done!
Your son is simply trying to become an adult and a side effect of that is agitation. He's trying to become independent figuring he doesn't need the family unit yet still flipping back to being a kid. He's struggling and likely will for awhile. There's a whole big bag of mixed emotions going on in his life right now. Remember when you were that age? Trying to decide what to do with the rest of your life, breaking into the relationship scene, evaluating your parents, your friends, your siblings, yourself? It's hard and doesn't come without fallout unfortunately. The only thing you can do is listen and try not to take anything personally. If he asks for advice, honestly share what you know or let him know he's brought up an interesting aspect and you need to give it some thought before responding. If he becomes disrespectful, let him know he's being unfair. Never yell or try the guilt trip route as he's learning appropriate responses to difficult scenarios and you are the teacher. Being a parent is hard work but it can be the best job in the world, one where the dividends just keep coming.
Sorry, I can't offer a perspective on your husband issues since you didn't share enough. However, if he's playing the guilt trip card, tell him to stop because it does nothing to help your recovery. You're working hard on things and I'm quite sure your husband is not perfect.
Being self destructive is exactly what we do when we take the garbage that other people heap on us and internalize it. That's why no matter what, we need to remind ourselves of all the positive aspects of ourselves, that overall, we are good people that have done a few things that are not so good. But that does not define us. Remember that!
You're doing amazing ND, don't ever let anyone tell you different.
TS
