I love to drink. It feels fancy, like a treat. It feels comforting. It keeps me from being bored. Everyone in my family drinks- I was modelled regular drinking behaviour as a child, so it's not surprising that I am a drinker. Every holiday is an oppourtunity to get loaded. And every weekend. And lately, most weeknights.
I've become accustomed to being a little hungover almost everyday. Doing things to cover up whatever alcohol smell remains in my breath, my sweat. My brain is always a little foggy, until that first drink is in me in the evening. My per formance at work is starting to suffer. I'm not really interested in social events unless i can drink.
I feel ashamed. lie about my drinking, minimize it to myself too. I have "taken a break" several times, planning to abstain for a couple weeks, to not drink on work nights. And I have always broken my plan.
Today is day 2 of an epic hangover. It is also my 2nd day not drinking- easy accomplishment considering how I feel. My throat and chest hurt from vomiting so hard 2 nights ago after I binged. I'm still a little nauseous. I remember having fun, then my memory is blank until the vomiting. It was my second black out in 3 months. And it scares me.
So, I am here, decided that I need help. Scared, sick, and ready for a change.
