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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Hi Diva,

Write because you want to.

Write because you want to create something.

Write for your reasons, and do it everyday -like a job.

When the ideas are all out and on your paper then worry about sharing it...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Breanne,

Thanks for the reply. I do hope it will help me in writing. It is very scary for me to start writing a book as it is a very dear dream of mine and I would find it sad to have it crushed! Then again, I will not know until I try! But slowly I am putting ideas together and trying to set them down in a journal. I hope I can do this. I sometimes feel like I am deluding myself. But I would so love to write a book and share it with others, have it published!

As for sleep, I barely slept, yet again. I guess I have to cut down on sugar and the very little caffeine I do ingest in the day? I fell asleep at 6 am and woke up at 11 am... 5 hours /sigh... I feel a bit cranky and annoyed at the moment, but I know it will pass. And worse case scenario if I do get tired enough to sleep I can always nap.

Right now, what bothers me most is that I had a conversation with my dad and it did not go as well as I wanted. He told me about life decisions he took to help his battle with cancer. When I get worried I react badly. I think that comes from my anxiety being triggered. So instead of asking what was really on my mind (i.e. Is his health ok) I asked about other not important stuff. Now I am afraid he will think I don't love him and like him only for superficial reasons... I reacted so badly! It was a mess. I was just afraid his health had decreased and that I didn'T know and it was worse then I feared but I reacted almost as if I did not care about that... /Sigh...

Well beyond that, I am doing remarkably well for someone who slept only 5 hours.

So I will go to my day and check in later. Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Hang on to that feeling Diva, as it will definitely help in your writing venture! I think it's a great idea to start writing a book. Why not?! You have nothing to lose, and a lot to gain

Hope you had a good sleep, and please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Wildcat!

Well, I can't even imagine how scary it is and what you have to deal with. And I so appreciate your warnings and your concern you are too nice :) I will talk to my doctor and therapist about it and see what they make of it.

I am not too concerned about it but it can't hurt to talk to them!

And yes, today I stuck to the list and the budget! I even managed to get a few hours of sleep which puts me at almost 8 hours of sleep in the last 24! I went to bed with music to keep my mind busy and gave myself the right to fidget as I lay there. It took some time for me to sleep and fidgeting was necessary to keep me quiet lol. But I did nap and felt great waking up! I played piano and watched great movies, listened to music.

Ok this may sound nutty and silly and stupid, but I think I have decided to write a book! I have always dreamed of being a published author of a book. I mean like fantasy/fiction book. It is one of my greatest dreams. I am afraid to start. What if I suck and my writing is bad and my ideas are lame? But how great would it be? So I started writing down my ideas in a little "calepin". Am I crazy to think I could do this? The idea of creating a universe and a story and putting it down on paper and sharing it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Am I just having delusions of grandeur?

Anyway, am having a pretty good time since the 22nd! As for hypomania, I believe you that it can be a good thing lol. I have been having a grand time! I feel happy and energetic and alive and great in my skin. The drawback is that I can't seem to stop eating. Lol, then again I couldn't stop eating before it too hahaha! And I do feel wonderful and productive.

So yes, the hyperactivity must have a function too, if only to remind us of how it feels to feel good! Thanks again for the reply wildcat, you are always so kind to me thank you!

Hello Faryal,

Yes I am feeling positive and energetic and enjoying this time to have fun and go out and be creative! I am trying to pace myself as you said. That is good advice. So as I have not been sleeping well, I made myself take a nap. I felt great when I woke up. I also took time to watch some great movies which always puts me in a happy and calm place. I walked. I also took time to practice my piano. It can be frustrating as I am just starting out but it really is soothing and therapeutic for me. Music kinda is just like air to me. Oh and I have great books to read and that always helps me relax too! And yes, the slow moments are crucial. I am trying to pace myself by kinda putting slow moment between the fast ones so I don't come a-crashing down!

But this is a good day and I am enjoying it! Now the trick is to find a way to come down without crashing, 'cause the crash (crying, feeling lame, sleeping non-stop, anxiety... basically feeling burnt-out for a few days) is no fun! So if anyone has anyadvice about how to come down softly and land safely and happily please let me know, I am open to suggestions! In the mean time, I figure I will ride this out and have fun.

Well, off I go to relax and get calm and watch the Tale of Despereaux! Movies always help me settle down so I figure it will help me sleep.

Sorry for the long posts, wow do I ever feel verbal lately!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Diva,

It's great to see that you are feeling energetic and positive. Do pace yourself however............so that you don't crash.

Enjoy your piano practice............sounds like it is very soothing and almost therapeutic for you. It is important to have "slow" moments every so often to help you enjoy the "here and now".

Faryal, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

okay diva,

It is just that I know the outter edge of hyper and mania and it is a scary place.

As long as you can stick to the lists and the budget... you will be fine and a bit of hypom. is a good thing! I mean it!! It reminds us that we are alive and productive and wonderful people. It is the powersurge that most other get on a night out with "the gang" or on an exercise high.

I was reading that depression had a reason in Nature, a social function. Only today we tend to get stuck in the mode when we should be moving out of it towards other social functions... So the hyperactivity must have one too!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hello WildCat,

Ok, I will speak with my doctor of this. Although, this really is nothing new. I have spoken of this with therapists and doctors and psychiatrists in the past. I am not sure they know what to make of it lol. But if you think it is important, I will

As for another diagnosis, come to think of it who cares right? What counts is that I know who I am and that the people around me know who I am and love me! I know who I am and am getting better and better at dealing with myself and managing my moods and my anxiety and being happy. So that too me is what counts :).

As for the meds, well, I know they could be affecting me. So I will speak to my doctor when I manage to catch her. I will also talk to my therapist. I trust him a lot too.

But usually when I have adverse effects it is not like bad side effects so much as I am allergic to many of them. I am more of the allergic reaction type. The ones I wasn't allergic to did not make me feel hyper or hypomanic. They actually had the reverse effect on me. They sent me into a total funk. I was crying and feeling much more depressed and without energy and one of them even gave me suicidal ideations! This is why I am not too afraid this is because of my meds.

I actually feel like for once in my life I have actually found a medication that is actually helping me feel better!

For all I know, I am just feeling better and happy and energetic and just don't recognize it lol. But this does seem like a little bit more hehe. But no more then it has been in the past!

I spoke to my mom and hubby and they seem to find this all fine. They don'T find me irrational or with altered judgement. They find me happy and energetic though I am a little hyper. They say, they have seen me like that in the past and it settled and it doesn't seem to bother them.

But yeah, spending, eating, ... I am pretty hyper.

Yesterday was great. Once the grumpy left I had great fun. I couldn'T sleep till 6 am though and woke up at 11. I made myself get back to bed and managed to sleep an extra hour. So six hours...

I got up and played on my computer. Chatted on the phone with mom. Then I walked to the library to get some books. After, I walked to the mall to buy stuff my hubby asked me for and to buy a birthday gift. I had made a list with my hubby of things to buy and I actually stuck to it! Well, except for buying myself a little treat.

Since I bought a treat I walked back instead of calling hubby to pick me up. Now I am going to go practice piano. I started my learning method yesterday. It is tough but fun. And it relaxes me and slows me down which is good.

Well off I go. Sorry for the very long post, I seem to be very verbal today!

I feel good though. It is nice to have fun and have a good day :)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

diva,

please speak to the doc about these highs AND the crashes.

It might call for another diagnosis or ... it might be the meds, you have had reactions in the past and if you are susectable to highs... anti-depressants can shoot you through the roof...

spending,

eating,

socially,

so stick close to your mom and see the doc!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Well, I ended up calling my mom and going out, so no housework. I did walk to the library with her and when we got there, we realized it was closed... I guess this gives me an excuse to walk to the library tomorrow lol!

The walk was great though! The temperature felt like summer! So we walk around my neighborhood. Only problem is we ended up walking to the mall lol. So I did a bit of shopping. But at least it was somewhat reasonable as I only bought three items and all of them were under 20$! And one was a birthday gift!

Then we walked to the restaurant. It was so good! We had a great chat. I had such a fun time! I love going out with my mom, it is always great. She is like my best friend! It was a great fun evening. I am still hyper but my hubby and mom don't seem to mind too badly lol. As for me I am riding it out by enjoying myself and staying busy!

Have a good night guys!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hi Wildcat,

Thanks for the congratulations. I am pretty amazed by it all!

so yeah, the hyper state might be a reaction to the great news!

As for hypomania, one of the many psychiatrists I have met in the past has hinted to me that I might have a tendency to hypomania. Who knows right?

Ashley,

Thanks for the congratulations! It is pretty exciting! Can't wait to have the finish product in my hands!

I have not spoken of my mood swings to my doctor lately. Only several years ago when I was doing really badly. I had just spent 3-4 days completely hyper wth like 3-4 hours sleep a day for the first two day and no sleep after. I was sent to a psychiatrist lol. What happened after is all kinda fuzzy as I had so many meds at the time it feels like I "lost some time". I have had bad experiences with meds! Phew! I did speak to it with my therapist and he hinted at the fact it might be good to do some psychometric tests to finally pin down my diagnosis. But after over 15 years of mental illness and being stuck in the system I am not sure I believe in diagnosis anymore. I believe in knowing myself and figuring out how to cope with myself. Make any sense? But yeah, maybe I should speak to my doc, who knows...She might just throw another diagnosis my way... Bleh! It has been hinted at though that I am have a tendency to hypomanic states. I just don't know...

Ok, Last night I could not sleep till like hmm 5-6 am. I stopped looking at the clock after 5 am but stayed up a while. Then I got up without alarms or provocation like 7 hours for me. Highly unusual as I sleep like minimum 10 hours with a 2 hours nap later in the day, minimum. Felt annoyed at waking up but just couldn't stay lying down.

Now yesterday was definitely a hyper happy day. It was nice I felt super happy! I talked fast loud and too much. My head was racing and I felt somewhat elated. It was great. I felt so good about myself! I felt strong and like I could do anything! What a great day!

One thing I have noticed is that I should be fixing my finances atm and al I do is spend... I keep buying stuff to make myself pretty like a peacock getting ready for mating season! Plus, I keep buying music by the truckload! Though the music thing is not so weird as I live on music. It is the amount that is excessive. I feel excessive...

Today, I woke up tired and annoyed and thought I had come down from my high and crashed. I do that after highs, I crash... Badly... But today I woke up annoyed off the bat! I am exhausted and tired from lack of sleep but I feel febrile ad shaky and edgy and like I can't stand to not move of not keep myself occupied... I actually haven't eaten yet as I haven't taken the time. I went through a month's worth of e-mails, caught up on my correspondence. I feel tired but I can't seem to relax or rest and feel fidgety. Like I am gonna crawl out of my own skin. I just feel out right cranky at this point! My hands won't stop tingling and it is driving me nuts. At least typing I don't feel it as much. I feel like a pressure cooker about to blow. And yet I feel exhausted. It makes no sense to me. Oh and I can't seem to keep my jaw unclenched and I have a tension headache starting...And yet, I don'T feel overly anxious, whixh is unusual in itself as I suffer from anxiety. Bleh, what an annoying state of being! Yesterday was way more fun!

Anyway, I will go eat and take a walk to the library to fix a few things with them! Then I will clean and see what I get done! An

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Evolution Health is not a healthcare provider and does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are currently thinking about or planning to harm yourself or someone else please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room.

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