I stumbled across this site while looking for some answers. I've not had time yet to get in and read the forums, but intend to do that after I post my intro.
I'm a 48 y.o. woman, have fibromyalgia, am on disability, and I've slid down into that dark place I thought I'd never see again.
I sobered up more than 20 years ago and have had bouts of depression off and on since, although nothing like the drinking days when I was suicidal. This is the worst I've felt since those days.
After being diagnosed with fibro 8 years ago, I went about my life pretty much denying that the disorder affected me. I ended up burning myself out so badly that I will probably not work again. For a "Type A" personality that's a tough row to hoe!
I'm also OCD. Counting counting counting ... I drive myself nuts. I also am a hoarder. Thankfully that one is beginning to get better. I'm no longer collecting new things, but I am having trouble getting rid of the old stuff. Part of it is being physically unable to do a major clean, part of it is the anxiety that happens when I start trying to throw stuff away.
LOL ... that pretty much covers the bad news. Now the good news ... I'm in an amazing relationship, my partner has a similar physical disorder so we suit one another well that way and understand what the other is going through. She's wonderful. We have a Jack Russell Terror who keeps us moving, even on days when we don't think we can.
I am generally an optimist. No matter how bad my days are, I'm not in Dafur or some third world country where I have to scramble for the basic needs in life. The old "it could be worse" saw does go a long way toward helping me keep some perspective. Most of the time, at least.
Each and every day I find something to be grateful for. No exceptions. That has been my pledge and my habit for over a decade. There are days when it's tough, days when I want to sit in a corner and pout, days when I want to cry and just give up, but even in the dark times I find something good. Sometimes it's just that I'm still breathing.
I usually get some counselling when I feel like I have this past year, but I've got to the point that I rarely leave the house except to walk the dog or get groceries. I've totally cut myself off from all social interaction and just cannot seem to get back into it. Part of that is having a very good relationship that fulfills the majority of my social needs ... part of it is being too sick most times to be able to plan ahead ... part of it is just being too tired physically and emotionally to be a good friend ... part of it is just not having the energy to find a counsellor and keep the appointments.
Since most of my social interaction is online, I thought this program might be the perfect push I need to get back to being me. Talking to like-minded people is a huge help. It's not so much that misery loves company, but more that only the miserable know how valuable a spark of light can be in the dark times. Hopefully I'll be able to both see some of those bright spots and provide some for others.
Oh yah ... I'm long winded too. :) I'm a writer so it's an occupational hazard.
