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My marriage is in crisis...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Btw, sorry for the swearing even if I did put little star *** in it. I got carried away

I usually have better language...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Mom of 3,

Thanks a lot for you support and advice. You are right, I did not deserve this. It means a lot to me, your post. It helped a lot. I don't know either why my hubby feels the need to yell and swear at me so much. And you are right, I do not deserve it. I don't deserved to be yelled at, sworn at or bullied into doing stuff his way. And yes, things won't change if I just give in. I keep trying to tell him yelling and swearing is not acceptable but he still does it. I guess he takes for granted that when all is said and done I will still be here and I will forgive him. /Sigh...

I wish we could have had an adult discussion about our savings but it is not meant to be. The other night, he came home from shopping and had calmed out and was being quite nice. I did not dare bring the subject back on the table though for fear he might yell again. So I just tried to enjoy the evening. We watched a movie. He did not apologize for earlier though and that really bothered me.

So the next day I tried to use I statements and I told him this: I was yelled and sworn at a lot yesterday. I felt hurt and sad and scared. I really feel the need to get an apology for it. So he did apologize. But then I still felt sad, because the savings are still where he wants them, I still had no say in it. And all I got out of all that was a stinking apology I had to F***ing ask for!!! I feel so little and stupid!

He has been quite nice ever since. I just don't know if that is because he is being careful or because I am being careful not to rock the boat... I did just ask him if we could talk about his behavior though and wow he does not seem pleased about it. Hope he doesn't yell again...

I don't know that this is abuse in my case but I do realize that it is unacceptable behavior. I will talk to him and bring it up in therapy and see what happens. But whether it is abuse or not, I am not good at standing up to conflict! So yeah, this is tough.

Besides that though, I haven't been doing to badly. The hubby's new job will help. Christmas time went really well. He still accepts to go into family councelling with me. I am sorting my own personnal stuff out.

Had a rough day today as I had several PA (panic attacks) this morning and that is always tough on me. But I am very proud to say I went to work despite the PAs and the fact I have only slept 2 hours. So yay for me! (patting myself on the back lol)

Well, I am off soon to go walking with a friend. So I will go check out other posts and all that till then!

Thanks again for the great reply.

WildCat,

Thanks for your support. Finances are a stress here for the moment, but there are alot of other underlying issues with us. I do hope we manage to fix it. I do have several other issues to fix and I am working on them. I think I am cleaning house and I am sure it will be very helpful in the long run. In the Now, it is kind of exhausting work to do but as I said, I foresee it will bear fruit!

Thanks again for the reply and the support it means the world to me.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

hello diva,

I am sorry that things are not great. Finances work differently in my house, especially since we both work 40 hour weeks and in accounting.

How have you been feeling? we have not had news in awhile and there was a ton of issues you were dealing with last...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva,

Welcome back! I had hoped things were going better for you. Other posts I read earlier seemed like that was the case, but this post doesn't sound so good. It makes me angry so..... The following is my opinion, you make take it or leave it, but I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to take this and you don't deserve it.

I'm not sure why your husband would need to yell at you. An adult conversation would be in order to discuss the savings which I assume you both contributed to. I don't think you need to put up with that. And you certainly do not have to like being badgered. I don't think anyone should be badgered until the other person gives in, that's not anything but control. Believe me I know what that's like. My first husband badgered me to get his way, it was horrible. Your husband needs to get a clue about his behavior. I think you need to be angry about this, I think you need to put him on notice about his behavior. It won't change if you keep giving in when he acts this way.

However, I also realize that it is difficult to stand up to this type of abuse. If he doesn't stop it you may need to break ties, at least for awhile. Hang in there Diva and keep us posted.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hiya Breanne,

Yes, this too shall pass! I am slowly calming down. We fought some more. But I told him I was tired and did not want to fight. I told him I loved him. He is going to do some shopping. I told him I just wanted a quiet evening together after he came back. He said he doesn't know if it is possible.

As for the results of our fights, it is not worth revisiting. Who cares if I feel bulldozed. At least it is over now, he has what he wants. He is mad at me for doing it that is the worse part. He is angry because I am angry and hurt about it. Not only should I give him what he wants but I should do it happily with a smile!?!@&&%*#(&#

Sorry about that. Just feeling angry and little and frustrated and stupid. But revisiting this just means more fighting until I give in to his pressure yet again. See, this is not the first time we discuss this money. At first I resisted. But we discussed it over and over again until I gave in to him. Now it is done. I will just figure out a way to put a smile on my face and keep the peace. I just hope he leaves me alone and gives me room. I am happy he is gone atm. Atm, I love him but I HATE him!

But this too shall pass!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Diva,

I am sorry to hear that you are your husband aren't getting along today. Like you said, this too shall pass.

Would it be helpful to wait until you have both calmed down to re visit the issue - as the result of the argument was something that you do not agree with. Hang in there Diva, and remember that we are always here for you.

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hi guys,

Well, I just got bulldozed completely by my hubby. He basically yelled at me until I was crying and I just let him do it. I tired to tell him not to scream but the more I asked the more he yelled. I told him I felt bulldozed. But as usual I encourage his behavior by giving in to it. He yells and I break down and give in to what he wants. This time he wanted me to unfreeze our savings. So I just did. I had such great plans for it. Now it will be gone. It was the first time in 12 years I had a nice amount of savings. Atm I feel bulldozed and weak and so stupid. Atm, he is ignoring me as if I am the one who did something wrong. Atm I hate him so much. Today started out rough but I had been managing to climb out of the whole slowly throughout the day. Now I am right back into it. Weird how on days I feel great this kinda crap doesn't happen. I must make it happen somehow. Like I wake up with a bad mood and make bad things happen? Anyway, I don't know what to do anymore. When he does things like this I just want to leave him. It makes me feel so stupid and little and it takes away any hope I have that we can talk and sort things out with each other. Anyway, gonna stop crying in pity over myself and go back to finish the dishes.

I know I will pick myself off. This is just a bad moment. It will pass! This too shall pass

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

Diva,

I live in Quebec and it is super-social here. So there are ways into the heaps of bureauocracy to get aid but in the states ??? I am at a disadvantage. I know the WGPA because I became a foster parent when my grand mother died in Nov 1995 to my 15yr old sister and 45yr old mother. ... I nearly lost it then and to tell the truth I am surprised none of the drs saw me as bipo then??? as well it was the age of the super-woman.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Not sure. I guess it could not hurt! He is going to his doctors soon so I guess he can get a medical certificate then if need be! At this point I am just hoping he gets help lol. Oh btw, know anything about geting financial help if he takes a medical sick leave to get time to treat himself. (I don't think he intends to but I figure I would ask in case! you seem pretty knowledgeable about this). Anyway, thanks for the idea, I will keep that in mind!

Yesterday Ihad a horrible day and hubby was super supportive and rented me movies. that went a long way in making me feel loving and grateful towards him. It was good of him, he can be so great. Hope he gets help he deserves it.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

diva,

can your husband get a diagnosis of depression? and with that apply for an abandone rather than a faileur for the class that way it will not affect his WGPA?

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