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My marriage is in crisis...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva,

I'm glad your husband went all out for your birthday. It shows that he really cares, and perhaps is trying to take back the hurt he's caused you. Kudos Diva for the work you have and are putting into him as well.

God bless you both!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

and my neanderthal bought a bottle of sparkling wine to surprise me!

I have been on Topamax for 9 months and everything with bubbles tastes like sodium bicarbonate... yum.

happy birthday.

I can not wait to see what comes yo at mine!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hi Goofy!

Yes, my hubby did awesome things for me on my birthday! It was very sweet of him! I had a great birthday! He really did pamper me. As for all our other issues, well as you said we do love each other and I am hoping work through them too!

I must admit I feel more hopeful now then I did say a month ago.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

WOW Diva, those are awesome things that your husband did for you on your birthday. He watched girly movies/shows and YOU got the remote - WOWSIE WOW WOW!!!! Sounds like a wonderful birthday and that he really pampered you. I'm glad that he did. You deserve it and it is definitely a sign of his love for you. I hope you can work through the issues with the therapist.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

Hey Mom of 3,

I am glad you have decided to take care of yourself and do what is best for you. You are right, you do not have to be a martyr to him.

And thanks a lot for the support it means a lot!

Goofy,

You are right choices are not just about negative choices but positive ones too! and you are right that the things that mean a lot to us are worth fighting for. So thanks for the support, and for reminding me choices can be positive as well as negative!

As for things here, Well the hubby has been sweet. Still on the games a lot but supportive of my struggles with crazy schedules this week. He has been great for my birthday. My birthday treats included him escorting me to obht parties, breakfast in bed, a supper at the restaurant and a whole night of cuddling on the couch watching tv where I actually had control of the remote! He watched girly shows with me lol! So I have to admit his efforts are going a long way in making me feel better. And we will have another therapy session soon. So although today is a horrible day, when it comes to my relationship I am feeling much more hopeful than before!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Diva,

I'm glad you two are going to couples counseling. It shows that he is willing to make it work. Goofy is right that at some point you have to weigh the cost to you. If you love him and he loves you then it's worth it. If you are in doubt about is love then you must question whether the marriage can be saved and decide what is best fot you. I am at that point right now.

I didn't want to project my situation onto yours but even though I love my husband I do not feel he loves me. Barring a miracle I do no see it working out. Although I still hope because I love him.

However, I will not be a martyr to him if he does not hold up his end of our vows. I am tired of that scene.

Goofy is right - take care of yourself through this and in doing so you will find what is best. That is what I have decided for myself. Hang in there Diva, everything is a process and it seems like yours is moving along.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Diva, Making choices means deciding you want to save your relationship and seeing those subtle changes in him as well as the big ones - he's willling to go to therapy.....well, those are factors in making your decisions. I hope that my saying "making choices" didn't imply only negative choices. I just know how important it is to not sacrafice the things that mean so much to us. I am glad things are on the upswing with you and I'm impressed. I've never maintained a relationship with anyone for more than 6 years. I have lifelong friends but not boyfriends, husbands, etc. So, my hat's off to you and others who figure out how to do it!!!!!! Are willing to do what it takes!!!!!!! My typing is a bit off, hope you can translate and decipher, I'm a bit lazy to go backand fix it all.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 910

HEy Goofy,

Yes I meant video games! Maybe I should have made myself more clear!

And yes, I guess at some point I have choices to make, you are right. But for now, I am really trying hard to save my relationship as I love him. And I can see he is making efforts to do nice things for me and help in the house and such. I know he does love me.

And yes, mom of 3 is very insightful and has given me lots to think about.

Oh and we got an appointment with the therapist next week! That is good! And he agreed to go again. Do you realize our marriage is going on 9 years!

I am really tired tonight. Tonight's event was a bit of an ordeal for me as it stirred up a lot of stuff. I have some thought challenging to go do! So goodnight and thanks again for the support! It helps so much!

Thank you for the thoughts and well wishes. You have mine also!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Diva, I've not written in regard to this issue because I haven't been exactly clear on what the issue was "gaming". lol, I'm such old school. Maybe I should have thought a bit harder or tried to concentrate more. Thought you might want a laugh from someone who is so out of touch I'm just figuring out your last couple posts it means like a Nintendo game. Anyway, I hope you recognize at some point after you state your needs and he doesn't meet those needs that the ball bounces back to you and then you have choices. I like what Mom of 3 said and agree it was very insightful and also agree that as she said, saving a relationship is worth the effort if there is a way to do it. However, not at the cost of ourselves. ahhh, I can say it but can I practiice it??????

My thoughts and well wishes are with you always Diva!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 406

Diva,

Hopefully you're husband will realize for himself that he may have an addiction and that your persistence is only because you care about him and in improving your relationship. Have you worked on the relationship and communcation worksheets?

Karen, Health Educator

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