I had a very chaotic childhood, one in which I was subjected to the wrath of two very irresponsible idiots who had no business whatsoever polluting the gene pool with their spawn, much less raising them.
On the one hand, we had my mother, who collected bits of garbage, mail and bills from 10+ years, pets, and odds and ends of things until the house was filled top to bottom with her junk. She always had some peculiar idea, ideas in which her friends (i.e. voices in her head which she claimed were guardian spirits) advised her on. Surely a woman with a control issue.
Then there was my father, a spineless jealous little man-child who hated his family and himself. He was always wearing a different mask, always changing from one faade to the next, until I am certain he did not know who he was anymore.
I grew up in this home, much faster than I ever wanted or intended. My earliest years were plagued with fright and suspicion of my family. I absolutely despised my siblings. My brother H. and S. (I shall refer to them as such) always teased me about being fat (which I wasnt) and making clever plays on words with my given name. I had horrible nightmares at the time, and I believe much of it was caused by the fact that my father forced me to wash his penis in the bathtub when I was 4. I did not recall this until much later, but one thing at a time.
One of the worst points for me was when my sister A. was born. She was born with autism and severe mental retardation. At the time she arrived I was 4 or 5. What an ill-conceived conception. My mother was already much too old to have children (forty-ish) and this was the eighth (and last thank God) in the line. But the damage had been done. I had envisioned a younger sibling as much to play with as to torment. But it did not pan out. Instead I was left with a mentally deficient candidate for the left line. She dominated our household; every decision was made in regards to her. For example, We have to have lawn furniture instead of a couch because A. will just dump soda on it. Or, A. doesnt like to eat X, we have to eat Y instead. And to add further to my absolute hatred of this abominable abortion of the light was the fact that we had to share a room together.
This decision was not made on any of my ideas
