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more on rape and depression...


18 years ago 0 54 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Where does one start? I was molested by a teacher when I was very young...way before I understood what it was he was doing..."take off your shirt...it's hot in here...here sit next to me...(rubbing my back) does it feel good...this is all I can remember about the situation other than this happened when I was walking by his apartment (he was outside) and he asked me to come in for a drink of water since it was so hot out. All throughout my life...I have been the kid last picked for a team...never to have many friends...very alone... I was neglected by my parents for the most part...teased and picked on by my siblings and when I was 17...I was sexualy assaulted by a supervisor. I had never been so scared or ashamed so much in my life. I kept thinking I must have enticed him somehow, but later realized how wrong I was. I told my parents pretty much right away and when I told them what happened...It was never spoken of again. For 20 years I tried dealing with this...never really living...just existing. I went from being 175 lbs (6'tall) to 145 in 3 weeks, thinking I might NOT attract anyone who would want to assault me. That didn't work...I had many men follow me while on my way home...It took over an hour of weaving up and down lit streets to get away from him...I was terrified. Again...this all was kept inside. it wasn't until the 20th anniversary of the assault that I finally gotten myself into therapy. This has been a very slow process as I have been in it now a little over 2 years. Things didn't progress...they got worse so I decided to go on meds...If ya can't work out the issue...why not mask it with some meds?!? I have been on meds now for 1 1/2 years...I have some good days and many bad days. The last couple of weeks or so were going great...the new meds were working and I was having many more good days. That is until I was sent to get an "independent study" by a neurologist. He had me strip down to my underwear (which was strange since I was only wearing shorts. I sat on the table and while he took my blood pressure from my left arm...he rubbed his groin on my left knee...He moved to the right arm and did the same thing...took my blood pressure and rubbed his groin against that knee. Smiling at me he asked why I thought my blood

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