Hey y'all
Haven't posted here for a while. This post might be a bit long. First I'll start off with a background of myself up until the last couple of weeks.
When I first started posting on here, I was frusterated about the dating life and I understand that every single guy (and woman) gets frusterated. I allways felt like there would be no one there for me, like I would die alone and I allowed that to weight me down and let the negative thoughts set in. Part of the problem too was that I didn't force myself to do the things that I used to enjoy doing, like biking, as I lost interest in that stuff. I also wasn't eating very well. Excercise and diet, along with good sleep are the three biggest natural ways to beat (or at least lessen depression), I know that much. I am getting back to the biking again and the diet is lacking still, but getting better. The sleep, that's on and off, but I've allways been a light sleeper. The last few posts were about me finally starting to muster up the strength to see a counsellor, but I felt like I didn't deserve the help, or that I would be taking time away from her for someone who really does need her time more than I do. I did call her and set up an appointment with her. However, I never did follow through with it, which I'll mention later.
So, over the last three weeks, I met this girl off a dating website. The first time I met her, wow she blew me away. She did tell me about her past. She was beat up pretty badly by two ex-boyfriends, but the last one was the worst. The last episode, a little over a year ago, put her in the hospital for an extended stay and kept her off work for a few months. She told me of the stuff that was done to her and I was there to listen, but I felt like crying and still feel like crying because no one deserves the emotional and physical pain she went through. But, depsite all this, she was so happy on our first date and the first week-end we spent together. I met her family, and was nervouse about that (understandable), then I took her down to my family and everybody (we had a huge bbq, more people than I expected there), but everybody thought she is the awesome girl that I think she is.
However, when she taled about that, although I was there to listen, I felt pretty quizzy and she could see it in my face. I told her that although I am there to hear whatever she has to tell me, it may make me feel a bit uncomfortable the first time because normal people don't do the stuff that was done to her.
Because of her past abuse, she has major depression and major anxiety. When I decided to pursue this relationship, I decised to hold off on seeing the counsellor because I wanted to be there for her, whether that's a correct line of thinking or not. I thought I was depressed and I realize that everyone has thier ups and downs, but she has some serious problems. She is getting help for it, by seeing a therepist and taking meds for it, although she goes off and on them. I told her to stay consistient with the meds and so did her doctor.
when we first met, she told me that she discussed with her therepist the things that she wants in a man, and then she told me that I am everything that she wants- and that made my heart melt, I've never had a woman tell me that. She's even told that to my parents. But, she also said that she's wating for the ball to drop and for me to come out as an a--hole, like the other guys were to her, but I just don't have it in me and I don't have an evil bone in my body. I realize that it's going to take some time for her to develop trust and make h
