So all the help in the world is no help if you keep going back openly to the original dispute. People have pride remember. 

It doesn't help too if one person is trying to make amends and the other won't accept it. Whether to get their way or just because they feel like it. Sometimes this is unintentional. Up bringing or core beliefs again? Who knows.

Sometimes a cooling off period in the form of a separation is necessary. You know the saying,"If you love someone let them go, if they don't come back they were never yours". Not totally true. There can be reasons to get together that are not there after a time. And people can change.

So if you do have to separate, stay friends so it doesn't colour your future, last thing you need is another negative core belief messing you up.

I think a lot of this is relevant to work also. Probably more so in fact. After all there is less to lose.

Ashley, I agree with your first paragraph but both parties have to be willing to or capable of accepting compromise. Sometime one party is not capable of doing the compromise for physical or mental reasons. Age can also interfere. I believe two people have to really want something to work, for it to do that.

Just my opinion. Just my experience.

Davit.

When people live and/or work together, they often disagree. This is normal and healthy as disputes and disagreements are common events that lead to problem solving and compromise.

Sometimes disagreements are about big issues and sometimes they’re about small issues. Sometimes disagreements are straight out on the table, in plain sight and obvious to everyone. But at other times, disagreements are more hidden and more difficult to see. Usually both people know that there is a problem. However, sometimes one person is very aware of a problem while the other person has no idea that anything is wrong.

Disputes result when people have different expectations about each other and their relationship. Disputes are often quite simply about people having different expectations about each of their roles.

Before you can develop a plan for changing how you cope with and resolve disputes in your relationships, you need to understand exactly where the dispute is at. This is called the stage of a dispute.

Stage One - Negotiation
Both people are aware that there’s a problem and both are trying to work toward a solution. Both want to end the dispute and both people are willing to compromise, so there’s goodwill on both sides. This doesn’t mean that everything is fine. When a dispute is in the negotiation stage people argue and they’re usually upset and angry. However, if the dispute is in the negotiation stage both people are trying to make things better, even if they’re upset.

Stage Two – Impasse
Both people have stopped trying to solve the program and are no longer negotiating because the negotiations have stalled-out. Both have dug in and are unwilling to change their position. During the Impasse people often use the “silent treatment” and are simply not talking at all.

Stage Three - Dissolution
At least one person has decided that the relationship is over, or is going to be over eventually and they’ve emotionally checked out. All it takes is for one person to make this decision for the dispute to reach this stage. The person who has not decided that the relationship is over could still be trying very hard to make the relationship work, but as soon as one person decides a relationship is over, it’s usually over. Disputes can stay in the Dissolution Stage for years. For example, some people decide that their marriage is over but they stay with their partner for the sake of the children or until their children leave home. Their partner may not even know the other partner has made this decision.    

Take a few minutes to think about the relationships you want to work on. If one of the problem areas you are working on is a dispute, try to figure the dispute stage: Negotiation, Impasse, or Dissolution. Please share some of your thoughts. We will discuss more about Disputes in a few days.