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I'm losing my own personal battle

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

kdawg,

Different treatment methods can offer different perspectives of your relationship with alcohol as well as your own recovery. Although you may view AA support groups as spiritual, the resources and guidance offered through these groups are tremendously helpful. Often these meetings do no prescribe to one religious background and can be very accepting of new members and outlooks.

It sounds like you have taken control of your own well-being by seeking the support of a psychologist and psychiatrist. This shows your determination and motivation to change within your own life.

Stay close to the boards and let us know how you are doing. We are here to help!

Sarah, Health Educator

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

This is from We Agnostics chapter of the book called AA:

In the preceding chapters you have learned something of alcoholism. we hope we have made clear the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer.

May i ask why you are averse to go to AA?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2

Thank you all. I know there is no medical treatment, but I can never be "spiritual", so perhaps a middle ground can be found. Still losing the battle and the self-worth continues on its downward spiral. I see both a psychologist and a psychiatrist, as well as taking meds.

I just don't know anymore. Sometimes I just want it zapped out of my brain, as in EST.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11212

Welcome Kdawgg27,

You have made a very important decision. As I am sure you have heard before recognizing you have a problem is the first step and it is often the most difficult. Your girlfriend should be very proud of you for taking steps to change yourself.

Start working through the program, a big component of it is learning about yourself so you can better understand your addiction.
Some people find that taking a break from drinking for a while really helps them get control of their alcohol use.

It seems that your girlfriend is very important to you. When you feel comfortable enough I would recommend being open and honest with her. Trust is one of the most important elements to a relationship. Many people may agree that many things can be forgiven but once trust is broken it is very difficult to get back. She might be a lot more responsive then you think. Be sure to tell her that you are getting help and that her support is very important to you.

Have you thought about seeing a counselor about your depression and alcohol use? You could also visit our sister site http://www.depressioncenter.net/. You may find the program to be very helpful. You will need all the support you can get right now and the more weapons you have in your arsenal the better you will be in fighting this addiction. Alcoholism is a very common in men with depression. It is a coping mechanism and this needs to be addressed. Not only does it cause its own symptoms and problems but it also makes the depression worse, as alcohol is a depressant.

You can do this! It will take preparation and work but you can do it and we will be here for you every step of the way. I think you need to look into the support resources you have around you and have a very serious discussion with your girlfriend. She is an important part of your life, now you need to let her be a part of it. Stay strong!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 71

Hi Kdawq.

Welcome to our site. I´m glad you said hello and thank you for sharing with us.

I think this is an important step just by admiting to someone else and yourself that you have a problem.

I´m sure your girlfriend sees much good inside you and no doubt wants and I´d say that you trying to hide it and not being truthful with her only hurts her more. Seems to be that most of us ladies have a need to nuture and help our loved ones.

So you are being treated for depression with a doctor?

I found myself that the alcohol was affecting me in that way and that I was getting more and more depressed and argumentative in my relationship with my husband.

May I sugest a book that has helped me greatly. In fact it nearly feels like a miracle to me sometimes.

Its called " The Easyway to control alcohol" and the author is Allen Carr. It´s certainly helped change my life.

Like Tia. I too will be wishing you all the best and hoping you soon find the joy and peace that living without the dependance on alcohol brings.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

if you are a real alcoholic, you probably have to try some sought of spiritual program. As yet, there is no medication to overcome alcoholism.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 18

Hi Kdawq27....Welcome to this site and thank you for your post.There is no post too long...and we are appreciative of your honesty in sharing with us.We all can help each other here and there is a common ground of understanding and unconditional acceptance which means so much when we are feeling overwhelmed and rather alone in handling our alcohol addictions. Think about not drinking for a moment of time to a minute to an hour of time and I think if you can do something for yourself that helps to put you in a more positive frame of mind like eat something nutritious or drink a non-alcoholic fluid, or try to keep busy at doing something that can take your mind off of thinking momentarilly about alcohol and remember past accomplishments that you have made it through despite the hardest of tests along the way....You are soooooooo deserving and worthy of feeling your healthier self. I know you know this, but sometimes we need to be reminded of who we truly are...Hopefully in the near future you can be more open with your girlfriend as her support would be an additional positive for you. Depression is so very hard.. It takes time to nurture yourself again and see the light once again ..It takes just baby steps to put one foot in front of the other and almost behave our way into a new way of thinking before we are actually there. Alcohol and depression I think go hand in hand and somehow we need to replace the drinking with something else that keeps us steadier and stronger in our baby steps. There will be others who are very knowledgible(??spelling!!) and who have some excellent advice for you...I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the courage that you already have inside yourself to stand strong and cushion your steps along the way. Please keep posting....

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2

Hi All,

I signed up today and have been reading the forums.

I have been seriously struggling with an alcohol addiction for the last 5 or 6 years. It has become progressively worse and has cost me a lot in terms of relationships and quality of life. I am now witnessing it cost me the most important relationship I currently have going for me, in the form of my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. She must see something good in me, as she has recently found out about my booze abuse (but she/we only construe as a symptom of my diagnosed and "treated" depression -- but what comes first right ... chicken or egg? )

I don't feel I can fully confide in her, as to do so would engender the risk of her deciding this is too much. But for her, and probably more importantly for myself, I don't want to have this governing my life as it does now. But it does. I have zero will power when it comes to alcohol. I drink daily, except for when she and I are together (we live apart but move in together in September). We argue when I have been drinking, although I try to pass off my combative state as due to depression or a bad day. She sometimes smells it on me. I deny, deny, deny. But she's dead on every time.

I don't want to go to AA, for personal reasons, but want to stop drinking entirely (after the first sip I have nothing) . I want control back. But my will power does not correspond. Worse, I don't know if I'm ready yet!!!

Sorry for the length of the post. Thank you for listening.

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I'm losing my own personal battle