Hello Ironman, and congratulations on getting back on the horse. It does take both humility and strength to do that. (By the way, same to you, Carlos.)
I have only quit once, but I've read that most people take several attempts to get it right. When I read that and the stories here of people who have to quit more than once to make it "take," I get a little nervous about my own quit. So I have explored a little bit of what makes a quit work. What makes it the final one?
From what I have read, one of the factors is that the smoker finally gains a firm understanding of the fact that he/she will always be an addict who must avoid consuming the addictive substance (nicotine). In other words, there can never be "just one." It's not about the one. It's about the pack of 20 that your body will soon demand, and the next pack of 20 and so on. Most people learn this by going through the cycle of quitting, restarting, and then quitting again a few times.
From my experience so far, there is another factor. I know that my craves now are nothing compared to what was going on in those first few days of quitting. A had time distortions, not just in relation to craves but also in the middle of ordinary events. I kept worrying that I seemed like I was on drugs or something. And then there were the blood sugar fluctuations, feeling dizzy and voraciously hungry, and eating myself to the point of pain before my body could register that food was in it. Not to mention the actual craving/ obsessions. It seemed like all I thought about was cigarettes, with occasional breaks for work-related thoughts. In short, it was madness, and I never want to go through that again. Don't get me wrong. I could do it again if I had to, but why? Why create the circumstance where I would have to go through that again?
I think the only thing that could (and sometimes does) jeopardize my quit is me forgetting this. One of the reasons I continue to read and post here is to keep reminding myself of the facts. It took me 25 years to get up enough courage to confront this thing head-on, and I don't want to have to re-learn this lesson the hard way.
Reading stories of others relapsing always disappoints and disenheartens me. Sometimes, I even feel angry at the people who have relapsed. (That's my problem, by the way, and not yours.) Yet, ironically, those stories remind of why it is so important to not give in to that little voice that occasionally comes around to pester for a cigarette. Because to give in to that little would be to empower that voice to be what it once was, a screaming banshee who demands cigarettes all day long...and send me back here with my tail between my legs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is here's to both of you guys making this the last quit. I hope you're a little ticked off at the idea of being someone else's negative example. But not too ticked off, since I don't want to run anyone off here. Stay close. Read and post a lot. Find other resources to read and remind yourself. I used the free Freedom from Nicotine ebook to keep my mind occupied through the high-craving days. And once in a while, I will go back and read another chapter, just to stay on track. Do whatever you need to do. Just don't smoke.
