I'm lucky in that I have an understanding fiancee. He's the only support system I have. I don't speak to any of my family members..and when I tried to talk to them they were critical or dismissed me...I was usually touted as "selfish" or "manipulative" traits that I never saw in myself, but my brothers especially did.
Even though I stayed at home since 10 taking care of my sick mother while they got to go and do whatever they wanted.
I digress.
I don't want to burden my fiancee, as I can be overly needy and I'm sure it takes a toll on him. He never says it does...but when I see his eyes start to tear up because I'm so depressed and a mess...It makes me feel like a horrible person.
I'm extremely extremely closed. Even me writing on this forum, with the anonymity it brings, is embarassing and makes me feel vunerable.
All the times I've tried to open up to people...friends I've had for years, I've been dismissed....or shut out. It's not like I bombard people I barely know with my issues. But they always turn my problems into nothing...then talk about themselves. I remember one time I was telling them my mother was in the hospital and two of my friends went "Oh well, We've had bad things happen to us too. I guess it's your turn now." And they went on to talk about their problems. I wanted to throw them through a window I was so furious!
And I've always been there for people, listening and supportive...so why aren't I worth the same consideration?
