My name is reddesertflower but you can call me Red for short. I would like to tell you a little about myself. First of all I suffer with anxiety, I also am agoraphobic with avoidance issues but without panic and have some ptsd issues. I have pretty much become a recluse because of these problems. It took me a many years to get this way and it has gotten progressively worse over the years. I have come here on the advice of a educator so that I can work on these problems and begin to get well and manage my illness and in turn have a better quality of life. I look forward to your input and feel that we can all help each other on this journey.
I am so happy for you Davit it must be wonderful to be free. I am new here and just starting to work on my problems and I am also drug free. It is very good of you to help other people. Remember to take of yourself too and get enough rest.
1.When ever I have to leave my house and interact with new people. 2. Mostly anywhere that is noisy and loud with a large crowd like a in door mall with a bunch of loud, rude, ill mannered, and unruly people. My nervous system just can't take all the noise and stimulus, all the constant chatter of so many people at once all talking a once. I grew up in a time when people were taught manners and were able to act civilized. I really don't do well in these type of situations and try to go out when their are not to many other people out and about.
I am going to go on a short trip to Quartzsite Arizona to a huge swap meet where there will be thousands of people and do some exposer work. This should be a real challenge. 1. I will be leaving the house 2. I will be riding in a car for several hrs. 3. I will be around a large group of people. I am feeling anxious and excited at the same time but I know I can do this. We are packing the trailer today so there is no turn back now.
Well I just returned from my trip last night. I was able to due my exposure work in small doses. The scenery was beautiful as were the sunsets and sunrises in the desert and of course we feed the wild life as usual. I am feeling revived by the desert sun and am planning another trip this Friday to a antique farm engine and tractor show plus a swap meet and am hoping we will find some treasures on this trip. I found a old washer wringer from 1898 intact and in good shape. I do love the beauty and peace of the desert and slower life style.
My partner made it possible for me to keep this pledge he collects and restores gas farm engines and looks forward to these trips. My faith is also a important part of my life. I do feel closer to God when in desert and appreciate all beauty that he has created for us to enjoy.
I have a lot of anxiety and ptsd type dreams while sleeping at night and wake up several times a night. Sometimes I am huffing and puffing with anxiety and agitated and it wakes me up and I have to get up out or lay in bed and have a smoke to relax and get back to sleep. Sometimes I just give up after waking up 4 or 5 times and just get up and stay up. This has been going on for about 10 yrs now. Does anyone else have this kind of problem or is it just me? I was just wondering. Is it common for dreams to play a part in this type of disorder or condition?
Thanks for answering my post. It good to know that I am not the only one on this planet with this problem. These dreams are not always the same format but I do know that they are not real upon waking up. I do not take meds because they make me worse and also I want to be able to wake myself up and get out of the bad dreams. It is encourageing to hear you say that I will learn how to tell them to go away. Well I guess I will have to start getting serious about working the program if I want to get better. Thanks again Davit for listening and caring. I must say good night for now its getting late. Hopefully I will get a good nights sleep without a demons to fight and I hope you get a good nights sleep too.
Well I just completed my last pledge and am feeling good about myself. I was able to get past my fear and left on my trip, in the snow and rain that we had out here in the south western part of the u.s.a. I was scared in the car but did not panic and we made it ok in spite of the weather. I enjoyed the antique farm engine and tractor show and yes we did find a treasure at the swap meet a Jaeger Hercules hit and miss antique farm engine to restore for my partner. I picked it out because of the sound of the engine. Anyway back to me. I challenged some of my negative thoughts and was able to really enjoy myself and be around people. I kept thinking the women in the club didn't really like me but I got up the courage to walk over and join them and it went ok and I had a nice time talking to them. We were invited out to dinner with two other couples and had a really good time in spite of our fears. This is the first time I have ever had the courage to go out with other couples and I am so glad that I did. I am so glad that I challenged these fears and that I did this exposure work. These Ideas and concepts would never have occurred to me and I thank god for this program. I have not come up with a new pledge yet except to say that I really like this program and plan on challenging all of my negative thoughts as they pop up. I think I just might get better in time. Well thats all for now folks.
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