Hi, I'm new to this site and I'm looking for support. My issues with drinking are around binge drinking. I don't tend to drink on weekdays, but on weekends I get out of control. I'm seeking help after two particularly awful nights this weekend. It's not just that I over drink, but I over drink to the point of blacking out, but more than that?to the point where it's like there's another me who takes over. I become rude, aggressive, engage in bad behaviours, put myself in potentially dangerous situations, and I wake up the next day unable to function. I am scared for my mental and physical health, and I always go into a deep depression after these binges. As time passes, I do feel better. But then this cycle repeats. I always think I'll be able to handle it, that this time will be different, but it never is. I've ruined relationships because of this and done things I am deeply ashamed of. I've reached out to my therapist for an appointment this week, but I just feel so lost and uncertain about how to move forward. How do I forgive myself? Do I even want to forgive myself if I keep doing the same things over and over? Will I ever be able to drink like a normal person or is this indicative of a larger issue? Why am I this way? And will the people in my life be able to forgive me for my actions? Will I ever be able to live a happy and normal life that isn't filled with dramatic nights and days in recovery?
Thank you so much for the reply. This was incredibly helpful, I can't even begin to explain how much so. I've never thought about it in the way you describe, and I think you are 100% correct?I've been duped.
I'm going to find the book right now and get it on my phone.
I'm so glad you found this site. And I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. Of course, I know the feeling all too well...this weekend was a lot better than last, but I did still drink. And I am feeling pretty low today, even though I didn't do anything "bad" alcohol still leaves me with this hollowness.
I think what Foxman said is totally right and maybe next week it would help to step back and observe how you're feeling before jumping onto a drink? I'm not expert though so don't feel I can really offer the best advice. What helped a little this weekend was talking to my friends about it, so they were aware of what I was struggling with and could help me manage it a little while we were at a party. I was also only around my closest friends and I don't feel the urge to drink as much when I'm comfortable with the people I'm with. I was also terrified of blacking out so I just drank really cautiously, and I am surprised it actually worked for me because in the past it hasn't.
I'm thinking of finding some kind of group therapy to attend to talk to others who struggle in a similar way, maybe something in-person would help for you as well.
Thinking of you, and hope you aren't beating yourself up too much. Do remember that the feeling passes and try to do some self-care to feel back on track. I hope that helps a little.
Lily
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