I don't know what to do any more. I've been feeling depressed for about four years, and nothing helps. I haven't been diagnosed with anything, and I'm not planning on seeing a doctor anytime soon. It would only cause unnecessary worry for people close to me. I don't have anybody I'm close to who I can talk to. I'm not 18 yet, so if I say something to someone and they let an adult know, it'll get back to my parents. My mom is already feeling bad enough, and I don't want to add to that. I know you're all just going to tell me to go to a doctor, and I'm sorry, but I just can't.
It's precisely because I don't want to worry my friends that I don't talk to them, and because I don't know how they'll react or who they'll take the story to. And my mom has already attempted suicide once. I'm not going to do anything that'll bring her closer to that. I've thought about telling teachers, but that'd only end up with me going to a doctor and being drugged up. I don't really know why my teen years have been so bad. It may be because I have a lot of things that I hide. I know I shouldn't, but it's really easier that way.
I think I might know what you mean. It's like, you know you're a good person, and strong and trustworthy, but you can't help but wonder whether other people really think so, even when they tell you it. And then you wonder why they say those things, and why they think those things if they really do mean them, and then you start to wonder why you're even wondering. And you love people and would do anything for them, but you don't really trust them not to hurt you, and you love more the ideal of a person than the person themself because you just can't believe that they would ever really do things that they do. You cant bring yourself to blame them because they were only doing what they thought was best.
We may be describing totally different things, I don't know, but that's sort of what I got from what you said, and it's easier for me to talk about how I feel if I'm not actually talking about myself. I'm sorry if I'm way off topic or something.
More on topic to this thread, I have no idea what goal to use for session 2. I keep coming up with ideas, but none of them work. They're too general, or not something concrete enough to know when it's been accomplished. They're things like being less critical of myself or not hiding my feelings so much. Are these ok? Can anyone help me come up with something that I can possibly set steps for and fulfill all the other criteria if they're not?
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