Feelings Creeping Back
Debora,
I just read your posts on this thread, and I want you to know I can relate about allowing feelings to creep back in. You are not alone, remember that. One of the posts on this thread that really grabbed me was from 11/20 at 5:43pm where you said you had a queasy feeling, and you were questioning why. This is exactly what I do. Why am I feeling this way? Then I start scanning my brain for reasons why, and I come up with all of these weird, negative, out of the blue thoughts.
Davit is right about negativity. And thoughts, I have to tell you about a movie called Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio. My husband and I just watched it over this past weekend. And one line in the very beginning of the movie is where Leonardo says
" What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient... Highly contagious."
Think about this. When you start to have anxious negative thoughts. Think to yourself when you begin to feel the sweat, the clammy hands, the heat wave from your stomach up through your chest, think, just how quickly one little tiny idea turned into something so big you feel you can't control it. And then close your eyes and breathe in and out slowly for 5 counts in, 5 counts out, for as long as it takes for you to realize you just conquered that thought and stopped it from conquering you.
I tend to take the worst possible things in life, and start asking myself, 'What if this happens, what if that happens?" Cancer, death, accidents, to myself, my family members and friends. I start to think about all of the What ifs. And the ones that bother you the most are the ones that will stick in your head. You need to work to unstick those thoughts. Everyone on this site is right and has shared in your feelings one way or the other, that's why we're all here. This is work. But guess what? YOU ARE ABLE TO DO THE WORK. You control your life. You control your thoughts. You control your physical self. You are the boss. You call the shots. YOU will not let this conquer you. These are things I tell myself several times a day. I look in the mirror and sternly shake myself out of the anxiety that takes me over. Sometimes it works, sometimes it takes a bit more, but more times than not, it works. You can do this Debora. We all have faith in you.
As Davit said, we're all here for you.
